Rebuilding after the fires // share your story

[frog]

I'm also in the region @Fizz @YouAreNotAlone

I left my partner behind on new years eve. He insisted that I go, and at the same time refused to leave. I understand both things - very good reasons but it was horrible. When the communications went out was a terrifying time. I get teary thinking about it.

The scale of the 2019/2020 fires is still incomprehensible to me.

[Burnt]

I am in the region too, I understand your pain with being separated throughout the destaster. It’s so hard to describe how painful it was. Fearing for their life and your own all at the same time, having to force myself to mentally block them being stuck in the fire out of my mind, so I could survive in my own situation. The communication loss was so hard. There was a few hours there as I sheltered on the beach, my mind wondering all through horrible thoughts, knowing at that very moment the man I loved was battling this beast in jeans and a cotton t shirt in the thick bush. Chills. When I needed him and his warmth the most he was in serve danger. I’m so sorry you had the same. Thank you for sharing with us all 

[frog]

Hello @Burnt I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that.

At the time I couldn't deal with other people's stories (or my own actually). It was just so overwhelming and exhausting and heartbreaking. I'm at the stage now where it helps to know that there is a lot of common ground in these experiences. Take care.

[Burnt]

Absolutely. As we near the anniversary’s to these nights, we finally open that tiny bit more. 

The months dragged the disaster on, it was never ending, then covid right after was a whole new ball game. Now things are some what “normal” we can start our recovery; and starting to talk and share similarities of these events with others. Take it easy every day and open that more: 

[YouAreNotAlone]

@frog

I had to leave my mum behind, and my step-dad. He was staying to defend, but told us he would be right behind us as soon as it was dangerous. Driving to the evac centre, there was just all this black smoke, everywhere. It was terrifying--and even more terrifying to not hear from them for hours.

I completely and utterly know how you feel.

[YouAreNotAlone]

@Burnt I know exactly what you mean.

Although I was pretty darn open after the fires. Four Corners had my words and footage on there, and I got interviewed by the BBC a few times. Far out that was harder than I could have anticipated.

I'd always thought my experiences weren't that bad compared to others, but then you tell your story . . . the camera guy was crying too when I did.

I think the more we open up this conversation, the less alone we'll feel. But god is it so hard with the anniversary coming up. I'm a mess. A terrified, terrified mess.

Are you guys having nightmares at all? I keep having this one where I'm with friends who survived last year while fireballs were landing all around them. We see the fire in the distance. I try to go outside and escape, but my car tyres are flat--and then I see the fire crowning all around me.

I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced the fires truly understands the utter terror.

[Fizz]

@frog @YouAreNotAlone 
thanks for sharing - the loss of communications was terrifying 
I have not be able to revisit many of the places as yet 

[frog]

Hi @YouAreNotAlone I have a nightmare related to the stay or go question. In it I choose to stay (which is the opposite to what happened in real life) and then find myself trapped and terrified.

People faced impossible dilemmas.

And the upcoming anniversaries are provoking a lot of anxiety. I can feel it rising with the temperature.

I am trying to look at what's different this year and not preempt how things will go.

Hello @Fizz @Former-Member @Burnt @Shaz51 hope you are travelling ok.

[Burnt]

@frog  

hi frog, have you found any strategies to help with those nightmares? 

I’m an avid lucid dreamer- so may not be applicable however when I have nightmares it is similar. Instead of the question to stay or go, it’s more “to late to leave” and being forced to shelter in our house alone with my kids. Why the house burns down around us, the sequence is always run to the car; car to far gone. Run to the fire bunker; door won’t open or some other reason. Run down the road to escape to nearest neighbour; bridge burning. The dream ends with us crouching

down in the creek bed with a blanket then I wake up. The furthest I can rennet we got in the dream was the highway, with no one driving past stopping to help us. I remember each one so well: I think we die in the dream. It’s repetitive; with only minor details with the reasons we can’t escape changing. I can’t control the dream, however when I wake up I have made a routine of grounding myself. I go to the bathroom, walk to the kitchen and have a glass of cold water and sit down. I repeat to myself that DIDNT happen, we DID get out. I keep telling myself what I am picturing is not real ect. I then scrunch up the images flashing back in my head into a paper ball and visualise throwing it away. Depending on the effect on me that night I will either go back to bed or watch something funny on my phone to clear my mind.

I have found grounding myself is insanely important to do. To keep telling myself that did not happen, here are my children sleeping in their beds, here I am drinking a glass of water. 

If you have found anything that helps post nightmares and feel comfortable to share, please do. I hope my tip somehow helps you when these happen next.  @YouAreNotAlone 

[frog]

Thanks @Burnt

Grounding is the thing for me. I have to get up and walk on cool tiles and take in what's around me.

I tell myself: you are here now, the dream is in your head, but your body is safe in the here and now.