Hi everyone,
Ive just found this forum and can’t tell you how excited I am to be part of it.
Sorry for offloading/venting, but I’ve almost reached my limit. I’m a carer to my 79yo mother, who’s wheelchair-bound. While she mightn’t have any diagnosed issues, I am certain she may have dementia or mild cognitive loss. At the moment I’m dealing with the possibility of emotional abuse accusations. Financial abuse - whereby she’s had difficulties negotiating systems to make payments, and she told me to use her finances as she doesn’t need anything. She has a significant hearing loss and most times she listens to her music through her hearing aids so to communicate with her I have to speak loudly and yelling is considered abuse. This has occurred over a number of years and writing notes in large print is often ignored. I am continually accused of controlling behaviour but I am concerned that expenses won’t be paid now that I’ve returned her financial independence. Throughout my life I’ve been ridiculed, criticised, demoralised, belittled, snapped at in public, accused of doing very nasty things by my mother. She has always been suspicious, always doubts my judgment when I’ve had a higher education than her, is never appreciative of anything I’ve done, makes sure I have little self-worth and she’s always happiest when she antagonises me so much that I lose my temper.
it’s been very unhealthy for me and I’ve had severe self harming mental health issues. She’s always resentful and angry, sulks and gives cold shoulder, gaslighting. We argue constantly and the more I help the more derogatory her comments become.
My mother only likes family caring for her, while she insists that she can do everything herself, even though it might take months to achieve. Unfortunately my siblings are in no position to give me a break from her. She’s always nicer to other people and family members. Goes to the extreme to help others in the family and I’m expected to fulfil her wishes to help them.
I’m exhausted. I’ve reached out to counselling before, which helped but some techniques weren’t very effective.
I’m hoping to just share and swap ideas on this forum. I know there’s a carer’s retreat (house in the country to use as a holiday home in Victoria) but I don’t see anything like that here in Brisbane for Carers.
