The Art of Listening

[Shino]

My daughter has BPD and is in crisis at the moment, classified as high risk suicidal.

She turn to her husband for comfort and me for support. I am worried sick for her and her three young children who are suffering.

I'm a private person by nature and things that are important to me close to me. But sometimes the load just gets too heavy and I need to talk to someone/anyone outside the loop. Not for advice, but just a chance to get all of my thoughts and feelings out of my head and heart.

And that's the tough bit. Try talking to a friend and within minutes they interject with their thoughts, opinions and advice. They are interested in telling than listening, when all I wanted was an ear and maybe a shoulder.

I have found that listeners are rare in this 'it's all about me' society.

Thank you for listening x

[Louise]

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time! Truly, listening is a rare skill! I hope you will get some moral support here on the forums. Best wishes

[Alessandra1992]

Welcome @Shino..we are listening...as a carer I have found the support of a carer's group hugely helpful, as no one quite gets it so much as a fellow carer..

[tulip]

i have found that too. people often say that they are there for you but when you start telling them about how desperate you are for a shoulder to cry on or a friendly face or a listening ear they just switch off or don't want to know or act like you are speaking martian and they just don't understand or don't even want to understand or even know. they say things like why don't you run a bath and light some candles and listen to relaxation tapes !!!

when my husband is ranting and pacing up and down the hall shouting ''i have pain in my testicle, take me to emergency immediately'' all i can think about is having to explain to the police yet again when the neighbours call them for the umpteenth time. i do not think lighting candles and running a bath is realistic in this moment, but nevertheless that is what a phone help-line counsellor suggested that i do when i phoned them in desperation a couple of years ago.

the tv show ''please like me'' has helped me a lot. i am so glad that this program was made.

i have found that it is hard to find someone to vent to. they say they won't judge you but they almost always do.

this forum is helping me. i hope it can help you too.