Hi Folks,
Here is an update on my circumstance and dads state, for those following:
I moved out yesterday.
As far as dad's condition to this point, his psychologists seem to be leveling him out ok. He is doing what he can to pull through, although he has still been very psychologically weak. My presence in the house has made him very tense (and me too). He made it uncomfortable to be home. Bolt locking the doors so that if I need to get in, I need to call him. So I tended to be out most nights.
He had done whatever he could, logistically, to make the move difficult. By the time I packed the last box and approached him to say goodbye, he had swung the other way. "I love you, I'm here if you need anything" "Dad, I love you too, I'm only a phone call away."
The true underside was revealed in the final moment. Even though all actions prior to this moment were opposite of his true self, it was still there.
You're in my thoughts, @Missy
In the final moment, he says it will be ok, but the day-to-day remains the same. The key is to stay in the "final moment" mindset. You wont be able to control his thoughts, motives or actions, but you can control your own. Do not expect behavioural change unless the change is from you first.
In deciding to move, ensure you have a support system - close friend or relative. Someone on call if you need them. But even stronger than that external support system is the belief in yourself! Although my support system was great, internal dialogue is what has gotten me to this point.
As for your circumstance, when I decided to move, dad decided he would take the car and half of my savings. He had reasons. I agreed on doing it because in disagreeing, it would be a barrier to the objective. I am much less off, materialistically, but there is at least a %1000 increase of mental capacity and happiness for myself. In doing this I realise I value quality-of-life over security.
If your husband or father is being selfish, sometimes the last resort is to take care of yourself. On the surface they wont understand. But when they see you take action, it tends to fall into place.
From my experience.
I have confidence that he will be ok - he is focussing on my brother now. I know that if there are any problems, his spychologists will let me know.
As from here on, the communication was left open. I don't expect to hear from him for at least a few months but the settling thing is, even after the hell we went though, we both still love each other no matter what!
