Just out of left field here

[Chrimster]

Just out of left field here, can some one tell me please...

if you have been off your meds for 2 years, (this is what he told me) how long would it take for them to fully get back in his system and have him back to "normal" again?

After they come back, do they remember what happend during the episodes?  His been back on them 3 weeks and still doesnt belive me that i never said or did the things he accusding me off and he ended it with me yesterday, im guttered totally distraught and dont know what to do..

ive told him that many times i never said them things, and i never ever put him down, if i did why would i of stayed with him, and still want him back now... it makes no sense, why doesnt he understand this.   His 35, and i said to him, dont you know your own symtons of your illness, the paranoia, the abuse, the accusations from someone talking to you, you are hearing it as the opposite to what they have said, and i picked him up on it many times during it, how he twisted my words, when i never said what he repeated.. We only just finally got together he asked me to move in with him, after 3 weeks this all started..i really want to still be with him, but i need to know how long do i weight for him to fully realise what happend, and to be accountable for it, thats all.

His not acknowledged anything, from his episode, only keeps pointing out negative stuff that happend, but his side of it, shown no remorse for what he put me through and blames me for the way i handled it after not knowing what was going on with him, and why he was acting the way he was.. 

if anyone can help me answer some of these questions please, i am going out of my mind here, i think ill be needing meds soon myself.. i have cried for 9 weeks straight, with no light at the end of the tunnel in sight..

[Appleblossom]

People with a mental illness may respond in so many unique ways, depending on their diagnosis, personality and character and circumstances.

A lot of you posting on this thread have had a difficult time and I can only say it is important to keep caring for yourself to stay grounded. 

@artee It makes sense your hub might blame you for not intervening and helping in ways that he had become used to. That doesnt mean you should take it in ... consequences are important and only time will tell how he manages to connect and realise his level of incapacity.  I hope you can get a more stable situation for yourselves.  Good Luck

Hello @Chrimster  You seem a very loving person and not sure whether you are still in the relationship ... and not sure how to get help.  I have found Carers Vic very helpful .. encouraging ... they have tips and networks of support.

[Chrimster]

Hi thanks for your reply, yes he broke up with me yesterday but he booted me out of his place 5 weeks ago and it wasnt justified, he blew up for no reason, i still dont understand.

He asked me to move in with him,  after we got together and the illness started into the 4th week i started to notice how he was being distant with me, i mean come on we only been together you know what new relationships are like at the start..  i have my own place but due to the distance i lived at his and came home to mine a few days a week. 

i was being accused of bagging him critisising him, accused me of taking over and trying to control him, telling me i was going to leave him and take everything... its been horrible, we are into the 13th week now, and his been back on the meds 3 weeks.

His still talking to me, (textes) his from Ireland and he doesnt have anyone here, i am the closest person to him, as his former partner passed away 2 years ago and we knew each other as they were both clients of mine. There was a mutual attraction when we met 5 years ago, never acted on it, thou, i only just found this out 12 months ago when he started contacting, we been friends chatting for 9 months before we got together.. he is absolutely perfect, fell in love with him almost instantly, and little did i know he was already in love with me, a pure gentleman, patient, caring do anything for me, i met my prince charming and he swept me off my feet... so from 3 weeks of this, to then a horror story of being abused and accused.. ive had the most traumatic 3 months of my life..

i love him so much and i want to be here for him, but i am scared he still won't want me later.  What are the chance of him rememembering what he's done and said, and of course he would still think i said them things cause he "heard it at the time"  how do i convince him otherwise.. i have no reason to lie to him, and if i did say what he said i did, i would accept it and move on, but i never and buggered if i am going to let him believe i did. 

he trusted me so much he bought me a car in the first 3-4 weeks, and put it in my name, i was gobsmacked.. noones ever done anything like that b4, it showed me his commitment to me, and i was just as committed to him. He knew he could trust me 100% and me with him, everything felt so right between us, he even knew me better than i knew myself, i couldnt believe the things he said to me like he could read my mind.. finally at 43 i met the man of my dreams and fell in love for the first time in my life, this man was perfect and could do no wrong in my eyes, i told him every day that.. little was i aware he was taking my compliments as insults, so no wonder he hated me... every single day i said how wonderful he was. etc... i feel stupid now, if i knew what was going on i wouldnt of said nothing.. lol  i shouldnt laugh, but i am laughing at the situation, also the fact i was practically throwing myself at him, and he wasnt interested in me at all, if i was to walk naked in front of him, he still wouldnt see me lol  really embarrassing, and humiliating..  i could imagine how it would of looked in his eyes now thou... poor man.

what are my chances of him wanting me back?  how long till his back to himself, what would be the longest time, would be come back same as before, or will this change him..   i just can't let him go, he means to much to me, but i dont get a say in it, i can't make him want me back, even thou i did nothing wrong.

Friends have told me to run a mile while i can... but i can't turn my back on him, the man that made me the happiest i have felt in them 3 weeks than i have been in my life, felt like a life time to me.

Ive asked him tonight if i could call his mother in Ireland, i realy thought he would say NO, but he agreed if she was ok with it... so im waiting to see if she doesnt mind and hopefully call her and get some insight from his past on his illness, hoping she will share this with me, plus she would be worried about him, i wanted to let her know i am here and ill be here for him, any time he needs.

Sorry for the novel, i got carried away...

What started off as a fairy tail, seems to be ending a nightmare...  i need to be prepared for the worse don't i?  i dont think its going to end a fairy tale somehow, my hearts already broken i guess it can't get any worse..

Thanks

[Former-Member]

Hi @Chrimster, what a roller coaster ride!  The start of a new relationship is often both exciting and scary but you've been through something else again.  It sounds like the deterioration in your partner's mental health has caused a very dramatic change in his attitude and behaviour towards you.  If you hadn't known him for so long I would be wondering whether the most recent version is more real.  You know how some people put on a 'front' that can't be maintained over time. But having known him for as long as you have, it seems likely that the changes are more about his illness.

I hope you manage to talk to his mother as she may be able to give you some useful insight.  It's impossible for anyone to say how long it will take for his medication to take effect and what changes that will bring.  Caring as much as you do, I would imagine that you'll find the patience to give it some time.  

Just make sure you look after yourself in the meantime.  Stay grounded in the truth of what's occured and try not to be influenced by the accusations.  His illness makes those things true for him but that doesn't make them real.  Not an easy path to tread but I'm glad you're here in the forums seeking support.  I hope it makes it a little easier.

[NikNik]

Hi @Chrimster

I hope you don't mind, I started a new thread for you here - as I think your post might get more responses if it wasn't intertwined with the other discussion.

How are things going at the moment? Did you get to talk to his mother?

Take care,

Nik