Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEST / Do carers have a right to be happy?

[Rjb]

I remember feeling contentment for the first time ever only six months or so prior to the tuff onslaught of my daughters anorexia. I haven't found that feeling again yet , but I am very open to it being in my life again.

[Former-Member]

@Rjb snippets of happiness is a great description.  That really strong feeling of happiness tends to come and go without us being able to hold on to it for long periods.

What tends to create those snippets for you?

[CherryBomb]

Interesting research @Former-Member. What it tells me is that happiness is something that is not external but is internal (our perception and thoughts etc). Is this right?

[Rjb]

A full Sleep, a structured day for myself and loved one I am caring for

[Former-Member]

@CherryBomb We know that happiness takes practise (and I'll outline what the happiness habits are in a sec) but the carer role tends to create relationships where our own positive feelings are really strongly tied to the well-being of another.  And time away can feel selfish.  It's not a great setting for working on happiness but it can absolutely be done. And, like parenthood, your own happiness can then benefit your loved one.

[Rjb]

I find happiness in sunshine and nature. Too, my loved one doesn't lol

[Former-Member]

Sleep!  Yes.  I don't know why that doesn't come through in the research but it really should!  A full night's sleep is like the starting point for feeling happy for me.  If only it happened a little more often

[Rjb]

Yes I am working on getting away for some respite . Achieving that goal will bring some relief from some of the stuff that holds me back from having more time of happiness.

[CherryBomb]

@Former-Member looking forward to hearing about happiness habits.

Can you tell us a bit more about how postive feelings are strongly tied to the well-being of another? Does this mean we can tend to link our happiness with the well-being of our loved one? So if they are not well, we are not happy?

How do we seperate our happiness from our loved one's well-being?

[Former-Member]

Yep @CherryBomb, happiness is less about our circumstances and more about our internal world and the small daily choices we make.

Research tells us that about half of our happiness is a kind of genetic set-point that we keep returning to no matter what happens.  Another 10% comes from our circumstances.  So, that’s things like whether we’re in a relationship, in a good situation at work or home, financially secure or not.  Only 10%.  That’s not much considering that we talking about the things in life that we spend a lot of time worrying about and working on.    

A great example of this is getting married.  Newly weds do get a great boost of happiness which lasts for about two years.  But then, if the extra happiness is to continue, it comes down to the quality of the relationship. How much we communicate, how good we are at problem-solving as a couple, how often we laugh etc.  The daily stuff that we have a lot of control over.

So that’s the other 40%.  Beyond the circumstances, the facts of our lives, comes the way we choose to live.  Are we kind within our relationship?  Are we grateful for the good things he or she does?  Or do we focus on the toilet seat being left up and the fact that our sister lives in a much bigger house!