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whereismymind
Casual Contributor

Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Hi everyone. Not sure what I’m going to offer here but I felt I needed to take some sort of action because I woke up on a downhill spiral. 

I have anxiety and I think perhaps depression. I’ve always been high functioning but sometimes, the cracks open just a little too much and I can’t hold it anymore. It feels either like I’m in a deep dark well or like someone is sitting on my chest all day. 

I have two beautiful children whom I love, and who love me, but the anxiety overwhelms me and our relationship in so many ways. I have a partner who can be emotionally distant. I don’t feel I can turn to family or friends. I am alone in this, and always have been. 

I’m about to get my work day started now. I have a good job that I fake through every day. And today, I feel like the seams are coming apart and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day. 

Honestly, I wish I could just tap out of everything. I’m tired. I just want some peace. 

Thank you for reading, I just needed to get it off my chest. 

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Hi @whereismymind,

Welcome to the forums, my name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. Firstly I just want to say it's great that you have reached out and expressed how you are feeling. The forums are a great place to speak your truth and be transparent knowing you are in a safe and supportive place. 

I have suffered from anxiety and depression over the years so I sympathise. I know the feeling of trying to keep the mask on and keep it all together despite those feelings. 

Would you feel comfortable speaking to your GP about how you are feeling? A GP is often a great place to discuss how you are feeling and get support in a safe and confidential space. There is a lot of support and treatment options available for anxiety and depression so please know there is a lot of hope around feeling so much better. 

The SANE Support Centre is also available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 18 7263) or webchat.

In addition if you would like to read up further on specific topics such as anxiety just head to the bottom of our forums pages and you will see links to different subjects - here is a link that will redirect you to other peoples post about anxiety that may be helpful https://saneforums.org/t5/tag/anxiety/tg-p/category-id/lived-experience-forum.

Please continue to reach out on the forums for support - we have a great community with a lot of supportive people. A lot of our members also have a wide range of lived experience and offer very valuable insights and support.

Wishing you all the best,

FloatingFeather  

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Hi @whereismymind 

 

I'm so glad you found us and have reached out to express how you're feeling. I'm also one of the peer workers here on the forum. There is nothing worse than feeling alone in your struggle with anxiety and depression. I'm sure you will find people here who understand what you're going through and empathise. I definitely do, being an anxious child (swear if had memories from being a baby I'd find I was an anxious baby too!), and now an anxious adult. Over the years what I'm anxious about can change but it always manifests in the same way - feelings of nausea, overwhelm, sometimes feel paralysed and can't get out of my own head... It's not fun. I found in my mid-40s I became worse and believe it was due to hormone fluctuations as I've always been sensitive to this. 

 

I definitely agree with @FloatingFeather that reaching out to your GP is a great place to start. I remember being so overwhelmed the first time I decided to discuss anxiety with my doctor but was so relieved once I had. 

 

Sending hugs, and keep reaching out,

 

Hanami 💮

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Welcome to the forums @whereismymind ,

 

It's really nice to have you. You are not alone in feeling this way. 

 

I don't have a lot to offer right now but just letting you know I'm hearing you.

Much love. 

 

Christheart

 

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Hey @whereismymind welcome to the forums! I really like how you describe how you feel and experience things….. ‘the cracks open a little to much and I can’t hold it anymore’….. and ‘the seams are coming apart’. That all really resonates with me a lot. 
Im a parent too, and parenting is already hard enough without the added pressure of mental health issues and without the support of your partner! (I’m a single mum). 

Hope you find this a safe place to express yourself and find some support….. I love it here 🙂 

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Thank you @Christheart - that’s all I needed to hear today x it’s just nice having somewhere that I can share my thoughts and true feelings. 

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Thank you so much @Bow . It really does help not to feel alone, and I’m happy this is a safe space for you. 

And you’re right – it is really hard being a parent, especially when as a woman / mum a lot of pretty much everything falls on our shoulders – the mental load and the physical load. We’ve come so far but the pressure is also so much greater. 

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Thank you so much @FloatingFeather - this is so helpful and supportive. I think that perhaps I am no good at asking for help. I have seen a GP and mental health professional in the past and this is helped, I should do it again. I know I need to just get it done but keep putting it, and myself, last. 

I will definitely use the chat – I almost did this morning. To be honest, just posting and reading the replies has really helped.

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Thank you @hanami! I think that the past two years with Covid and lockdowns, partnered with me also entering my 40s, has really tested me.
Maybe it is hormonal – I know I always feel worse right before and during my monthly period  and as I get older it gets worse. And by “Feel worse” I mean I feel like I’m losing my mind. My usual anxiety skyrockets, my thinking becomes scattered. It’s wild.

thanks for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it ♥️

Re: Hi everyone, thanks for being here.

Yep all those things have been a lot for me too. And the hormones! I take hormone therapy which has helped a lot. 

Hugs

Hanami 💮

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