Something’s not right
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28-03-2023 05:44 AM
28-03-2023 05:44 AM
Yeah I think Im depressed now
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09-04-2023 06:28 AM
09-04-2023 06:28 AM
Re: Yeah I think Im depressed now
Hey, I can totally empathise with you on feeling like a burden. It sounds like you're in a super stressful situation. When things have been like that for me, I've always pushed myself to do more than is healthy, because I view independence as a sign that I'm doing alright. It's the idea that as long as I can keep myself moving, shoulder to shoulder, where I 'should' be, then nothing's really that bad.
I'm also somewhat hard headed, and so although I know the best thing to do would be to focus on acceptance of the situation, I always struggle to fully believe my own acceptance. I can never quite get myself to accept that I'm struggling, because that always feels like it comes with a moral label. It's either "You're not doing well, and that's okay," or "You're not doing well, and that sucks." It's hard to breathe with "You're not doing well, and that's neither good nor bad, that's just how it is, let's try and get on with it," as I tend to feel like I'm ignoring my problems.
Anyway, what I find helps is to focus as much as I can on little truths. It's cold today, fog is forming on the windows. It's nice of your dad to drive you. It's nice to feel useful, or at least I enjoy feeling useful. I've made myself a very nice cup of tea. I can never assume what other people are feeling, only how I would feel in their shoes. This makes me want to be kinder, more understanding. I've got socks on both feet and I'm wearing a jumper with ducks on it. I should probably try to fall asleep again.
I'm sorry about your health. My fingers are crossed for your heart. I can't really speak for pain, but I know what it's like to feel like a burden. I have every well wish for you and your parents.
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