Lived Experience Forum

[goldenretriever]

Sometimes I feel like a struggle with so much self-asserted pressure. My academics, my social relations, family relations, sport, and health. I feel as if I am not overachieving in my studies then I am failing. Honestly, I don't believe I will ever be good enough. I find that when I do not compete well enough at school it makes me short-tempered with my family, especially my mother who is a teacher. When I am in the right headspace, I can once again see she only ever supports me. But at the moment, my brain twists and distorts things to make me feel as if I am alone, and pathetic, that I will measure up to nothing as life goes on, and this is only a reflected thought in those around me. I have the pressure to be the perfect older sister, for two girls I love more than myself. I protect them from things in the family they shouldn't have to witness, and I go out of my way to ensure they can be happy when I am not. This isn't to say I think that I put them before myself. Because most of the time I am an empowered, agent feminist that preaches self-love. And most of the time I do love myself. I suppose that when I am judged by professors and teachers that kicks my regard for myself a little and things become unstable.

I want to be able to balance pressure. I think having standards and drive is healthy, I just know that not being able to reach them sometimes shouldn't send me into such an unhealthy, and rapidly deteriorating mental state. One that scares me as to its violence sometimes. How would people recommend finding this balance? How can I improve my mental defenses? 

[tyme]

Hi there @goldenretriever ,

It sure sounds like you have many pressures at the moment. It is understandable you feel this way.

As you mentioned, standards and drive is healthy - but utter perfectionism and over-drive is not. Which category do you fall into?

I'm also going to shoot you through an email in a short while.

Catch you later.

[Bugsbunny]

Hi There,

my thoughts only sometime in the dynamic of your family we take the roll on the protector the one that has to make it right for every one 

I done this all my life I  could have started when I maybe 6 and now past my 50s still doing it and guess we’re it got me no where yep I forgot I was important 

yes it wonderful to be like this  but you forget what you want and need don’t let that happen to you

love the people you love but give that love and time for you as you need to grow 

And build your future or you won’t have one your don’t forget about you 

as for school your grades do the best you can it not going to matter in long run you what love peace happiness and balance with your school life 

a little story my niece was asked to come back to her private  school to give a speech as she became a success Dr she told me she declined I said why 

she said because the once  said to her she would not mount to anything 

So she declined 

just do your best there so much more to us then our achievements because the end day you need to be enough 

I think it’s tough out there be kind to you treat yourself kindly 

I think your Mum in your corner 

I hope this helps don’t know you but you sound wonderful 

one more thing some funny happened today someone said I like you your weird I thought hey your my kind person we had laugh 

I laugh at myself I far from perfect but I except who am the good the bad 

have a nice night be loving to you ❤️

[Appleblossom]

@goldenretriever Welcome to the forum.  I can really relate to your simple thread title "pressure". I also love that you wrote " I want to be able to balance pressure. I think having standards and drive is healthy,"  I believe we should not feel we have to measure up all the time.