08-12-2019 12:23 PM
Due to the very nature of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) I am estranged from all family. It's just part of my puzzle but unfortunately friends too are now very sparse. One thing that is helping along this CPTSD journey is by people asking questions. When questions are asked initially I don't have the answers (most of the time!) but by considering the question asked I formulate words and then try to explain the answer and by doing this it also makes me understand this puzzle a little better too.
So this is my long winded way of saying you and I can both learn from any CPTSD questions you may have. No question is stupid all I ask is that you be respectful. So are there any questions you have that we can both learn from?
Looking forward to thinking about responses!
08-12-2019 06:01 PM
thanks for your offer to help. I posted a similar message in the “introduce yourself” forum. I am new here.
I am in a fairly new relationship, less than one year. It is a loving relationship, we don’t live together but talk about it in our future. my partner has a diagnosis of Complex PTSD and anxiety and tends to dissociate. They are on medication for the anxiety which helps a lot.
We go along smoothly for a while, then a (ferocious) defensive trigger is tripped and things erupt and it is (almost) all over between us.... until my partner processes their response, then all is well again for a while...we both really want to address and change this cycle.
i am hoping for help in finding safe ways to bring up and talk with my partner about how the CPTSD impacts on and influences our relationship in difficult ways, without it being interpreted as an attack or as blame for “everything that is wrong” with us.
My partner has clumsy management of time, apparent forgetfulness of occasional conversations and events, and various other elements of their personalities which leads me to believe they have DID, which they have managed all their life and might not be conscious of, but perhaps this all fits under C-PTSD and more general dissociative disorder.
I have read about and researched this diagnosis and have made a number of adjustments to my behaviour, and this has improved our journey. I also see my partner making effort and adjustments for my needs, so I am reassured. However any suggestions or helpful advice and experience I might learn from, how to gently and safely work towards a more even-keeled life with this fabulous human whom I love very dearly, would be so appreciated.
thanks again, perhaps this is too vast or broad a question. Kindest regards
09-12-2019 10:21 AM
09-12-2019 03:24 PM
09-12-2019 04:41 PM
Yes thank you @-Liz- it is helpful.
10-12-2019 11:38 PM
Thank you @-Liz- for your thoughtful response, I really appreciate your time and insight. Sorry for my delayed reply, it's been a bit unpredictable this way with fires and the rest of this wobbly life.
I will take your advice and not view my partner's and my interactions as being cyclical: you are right because we come through each time with more knowledge and trust of each other, I hope.
I have considered writing as a less volatile way of communicating about difficult topics, I think I might suggest it and see how they feel about it, if it might be a less triggering way of approaching some things which need sorting through together.
Thanks again for your considered response, and I wish you all the very best 😊
11-12-2019 03:13 PM
My partner has PTSD, depression and anxiety and I do have a couple of questions.
What happens during a "rage"? Are there ways of preventing them? Will they stop? I have noticed when may partner "rages" and this can be quite volatile, he is not there. After the rage however, he is exhausted, calm, just plain worn out. It is almost as if the flood gates have opened and he is unable to stop but once the water level is back to a managable level he is better (I was going to use the word fine, but we are not there - yet). I note he sleeps better, is more relaxed and generally is in a much better place. Do you have any suggestions how we can better manage this. Can we induce the rage to get it over and done with in a way that is safe ?
I have not yet discussed my observations with him. I am looking for some strategies that might assist before I do.
11-12-2019 04:57 PM
It sounds like your partner is really struggling right now, and I can hear that a big part of what is worrying in him and in the relationship is these "rages". That sounds really tough to be dealing with and really scary as well. I can hear you are looking for strategies to manage this as you know he is struggling, but I'm really worried about your safety and your sense of safety in the relationship.
Please keep reaching out here, we want to support you. But I encourage you too to have a chat with the support services below, as they can support people in the complex situation of experiencing scary behaviour in a relationship:
1800 RESPECT 24/7 webchat
SANE Help Centre (10am-10pm Monday to Friday AEST) webchat
12-12-2019 05:36 PM
12-12-2019 05:43 PM
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