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Something’s not right

AYW
Casual Contributor

Finances and Family

Hi all,

 

so I’m a new user here and thought why not try this. 

My story starts with me overspending, on junk, I would get loans long term, short term, pay day, buy now pay later you name it I probably had it (or at least tried) but it didn’t stop there, I would loan money from friends and family. It total it came up to about $75000. I know crazy! 
My best friend (who I thought was a good friend) also didn’t help by lending me money with no vision of when it would be paid back nor questioned me to why I needed money so often, she knew I worked and made good money. 
To shorten my story my husband found out. He paid the institutes debts which came to about $55000 and has verbally abused me on and off since (been about 2-2.5 months now). 

this time it’s because I had shares that I sold off behind his back and I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but some of the words were quite hurtful that can’t be taken back. 

But because of the blows I’ve been getting I’ve noticed I’m becoming resentful and emotionally just completely spent! There is no other word than spent, which now my husband has taken as I don’t love or care at all. 

 

Through this all, I am also trying to keep my daughter sheltered from it but my husband (her father) will say things to her like, don’t spend money like mum she’s made our family broke (maybe not those exact words but implied) 

 

I can’t tell him that even though I know I’ve done wrong that I still need to be respected or that I still have feelings otherwise the verbal abuse starts all over again. 

I know our marriage is in the tether but I just want it done one way or the other. No more verbal abuse and time to recoup our emotional states. To start healing whether it be together or not. 

Am I wrong to ask this person who has saved me largely financially and who I’ve financially done wrong by to still show respect to me? To not yell and call me hurtful names or say hurtful things about me?

I don’t know but what I do know is I’m not sure how much of the verbal abuse and name calling I can take before I pack up and leave everything I’ve built behind, my only reluctance is my daughter and what that will mean for her. 

7 REPLIES 7

Re: Finances and Family

Hi @AYW 

 

There certainly is a lot going on in your world. The forums are a great place to share and get support from our friendly members.

I just wanted to make a quick put stop to welcome you! I do hope you'll find the support you need here with us.

See you round the forums 🙂

Re: Finances and Family

Thank you @tacocat 

Re: Finances and Family

Hi and welcome, @AYW 

 

I was wondering, do you have any professional support? It sounds like a shopping addiction type thing that you're suffering from, maybe.

 

I'm wondering, if you could tell your husband you're seeking a psychologist to work through the issues behind it, would it help his attitude?

Re: Finances and Family

Hi @NatureLover ,

 

I am seeking help and my husband is fully aware. I’ve spoken to therapist and done an assessment with a psychiatrist to be told he wants to be in the sessions so he can listen in to what I say, which I feel is a bit controlling 

Re: Finances and Family

Well done, @AYW .

 

Do you mean your husband wants to be in on the sessions? That's not good, if you don't want that. 

 

I hope you can refuse?

Re: Finances and Family

Hi @NatureLover ,

 

thank you. 
correct, he wants to be in at least one session to see the things I say and if I lie about situation which I know will back fire because we’ll have different takes of the events which will turn into an argument. 
I have been refusing or withholding when I have the sessions until last minute when he’s busy. 

Re: Finances and Family

@AYW  I don't think your husband should sit in on the sessions as that won't help you, especially if you don't want that. 

 

I think your psychiatrist / therapist should also be refusing that. 

 

Sensible to arrange it when your husband isn't available...I hope it works 🤞

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