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Freedom11
Senior Contributor

Over think and over reactions

Hi everyone.  I have spend some time reading thought the struggles and hard times that many of us have had to endure in our lives. 

I have a habit of over thinking everything and over reacting to the little things that people say and do. Just wondering if anyone has any tips or tricks to learn how to manage better. I feel I end up pushing the people I care about the most away cause I always think the worst and I over react 

By doing this I feel even more alone as then I end up not hearing from them and it gets me down even more. I keep seem to do this same circle and don't know how to break it. 😪 

37 REPLIES 37

Re: Over think and over reactions

Hey @Freedom11 ,

 

Sounds like a familiar experience. I pushed many away to protect myself, but ultimately lost out. 

 

Connection drives people together. Connection brings meaning.

 

My suggestion, start small, go slow. Tread carefully, but learn to take measured risks.

 

All the best, BPDSurvivor

Re: Over think and over reactions

@BPDSurvivor . Thanks for your words of support.  I am trying to learn not to take the whole world on at once. 

Re: Over think and over reactions

Hi there! I can relate to this so much! I used to constantly overthink any interaction I had with someone and pick it apart until I'd come to some warped conclusion that I had done something wrong or they were "mad at me". It didn't matter how close I was to the person, even if I trusted them with my life I would never truly believe them if they were trying to reassure me that nothing is wrong and that they love me exactly how I am. It is exhausting living with a brain that assumes the worst-case scenario - not only for you but for those around you who have to convince you time and time again that everything's ok. 

 

I found what helped me was to be really open and honest about how I was feeling, obviously this can be really hard to do initially but the people who truly care about you will appreciate the dialogue and it will help you to ease yourself off "the ledge" so to speak. There are so many mental health conditions that come with crippling anxiety and put us into a "fight or flight" state - which makes it near impossible to think clearly in that moment. Taking some time away from the situation/circumstance is so beneficial in processing your emotions and preventing the "overreacting" that you mention. I personally can't think straight when I am in an anxious state, so if I feel myself going into that I will set a boundary with that person and say something along the lines of "I would really like to hear what you have to say, but at this moment in time I am feeling quite *insert feeling here* and need some time to process your words. Would it be ok if we came back to this conversation a little later, as I would like to give you the respect of an appropriate response, but need to think about it for a little while so I can respond appropriately?". Boundaries are so important to set for yourself, otherwise you are doing yourself a disservice by discussing/acting on a situation when you are in a frenzied state. 

 

I find its helpful to (in the time you take to process) speak your feelings out loud to yourself - acknowledge them rather than try to squash them down - and ask yourself what has happened to make you feel this way. It works well in situations when you feel incredibly anxious or emotionally dysregulated as you can ask yourself questions like "ok so I feel *insert feeling here*, what has changed in the last X minutes to make me feel this way?". This gives you an opportunity to slow things down, acknowledge your feelings, and remind yourself that it is ok to feel how you are feeling - but feelings/thoughts are not facts and you don't have to act on them. This might help you break the thought process before it escalates and spirals into a dark or hard place, and will prevent you doing or saying something you don't mean and may come to regret - which will only continue the harmful overthinking/over reacting cycle. 

 

If you're honest with those around you, set some boundaries for yourself to help you cope/manage your emotions better (and allow others to do the same), you will begin to become less reactionary and will deepen the relationships with those around you - rather than pushing them away. 

 

Hope this helps! 

Re: Over think and over reactions

Very true @jad1992 what you have just mentioned. 

 

Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate you sharing.

 

Also, a very warm welcome to the forums. I look forward to reading more of your pearls of wisdom 🙂

 

tyme

Re: Over think and over reactions

Good evening @Freedom11 ,

 

How are you today?

 

It’s been a while. Hope things are a bit better.

Re: Over think and over reactions

@BPDSurvivor Hi. I'm struggling a bit today. My daughter has a friend sleeping over and the stress is getting too me big time.

Yesterday was a good day and I felt normal for the first time in ages. My emotions are still all over the place. Some days are good and some days are bad but I'm learning to just get through one day at a time. 

Re: Over think and over reactions

I’m sorry to hear that it is so stressful for you @Freedom11 . Would you like to talk about it?

 

Are you stressed because you are worried about the friend? Or is it something else altogether?

 

Im free to chat if you’re up to it.

Re: Over think and over reactions

@BPDSurvivor . I'm stressed as I don't handle people I don't know and then the two girls are just bitching at each other and not listening to any of my rules. My daughter was crying and upset and I asked her come over to me for a cuddle so that I could comfort her and she ignored me and then when I went to her my own daughter just turn away from me and refused to speak. 

Like no matter how hard I try and I step out side my own comfort zone to give my daughter a good life it always seems to backfire at me and just stress me out more 

 

Re: Over think and over reactions

I’m sorry to hear @Freedom11 . Would you consider asking the friend if she’d like to go home?

 

On the other hand, is it better to leave them so they develop resilience? 

I work with children most days. I don’t like to see any hurt or upset, but I also know my job is not to stop them from facing challenges, but to help them manage these challenges. 

This is the same for 5 year olds, all the way to adulthood. 

A mother’s heart would break when they see their child hurt. So I can see why you wanted to take your daughters pain away. Yet her pushing you away has hurt more. Perhaps you can suggest that when she’s ready, she is more than welcome to talk?

 

In the meantime, commend yourself that you have stepped out of your comfort in order to protect your daughter. I respect you for that.

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