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plainvanilla
New Contributor

New and Intimidating situations

Hi all, I am writing on here to gain some perspective because my partner has been caring for me for the last 3 years or so while I have been having Intermitent Psychotic Episodes, and I would like to understand the position of someone watching a loved one suffer through a mental illness. I constantly feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame for the outcome of my episodes most often affecting him, our friends and any others around me. I usually beg to end our relationship or propose to leave and live elsewhere to manage my mental illness alone because I believe it would make things much easier on him in regards to making plans and living life. He seems conflicted often with this and I am having a very hard time understanding what is best to do in my situation. We are young, he is a lovely outgoing sociable person with dreams and goals of travelling and working in different areas of the world. In my condition I struggle to work regularly and be in highly social situations. I believe that i am holding him back while he says that he is happy to wait, I hate that he has to wait and i pressure myself much more because I know he is waiting for me to get better. I would love to hear some perspective of other carers and loved ones to fain some perspective that might help me come to terms with this situation. thank you 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: New and Intimidating situations

hey @plainvanilla love your member name.. welcome to the forums! I hear you, you're feeling guilty for being unwell. It must be a hard situation to be in, but it sounds like your partner wants to support you. Relationships are about give and take and compromise and life rarely goes as we "plan" it.. isn't the saying life is what happens while you're busy making plans.. 

I don't have any insight but hoping some of the carers will jump on and offer some words of wisdom. 

 

I wish you all the best on your recovery journey...

 

@Shaz51 @Anastasia @Zoe7 @NatureLover @wellwellwellnez @Flying_Hams @Eve7 @Snowie 

Re: New and Intimidating situations

Hi @plainvanilla I cannot offer any insight from a carer's point of view but echo what @Paperdaisy has said. Your partner obviously wants to support you and maybe allowing him to do so whilst not putting any extra pressure on yourself is the first step. We often feel guilty for not being 'well' but in reality there is no-one (especially ourselves) to blame. I often use the analogy of a broken leg - if that was the case them I am sure you would allow your partner to help in your recovery ...mental health is no different - we need help and support just as if it was a more obvious physical issue. Talk to your partner around your needs but in doing so try to frame those needs without attributing any guilt or blame to them - we are our own worst enemies in pushing people away when we believe we are not worth the effort - but you are and I am sure your partner (from what you have said) is there for you.

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