Compassion

[Misty-Mirrors]

Hello Appleblossom.
I didn't write before because I didn't know whether my story was valid in this "forum" or not.
Do you know whether the rules allow mentioning of religion?
I never tried psychoanalysis. When I was young it was very popular. The duration, which was quoted, was about 5 years or so (I could be wrong). That put me off.
You wrote that your parents were mentally ill. That is sad. My mother said sometimes that she suffered from depression and anxiety. Sometimes she denies it. She often tells untruths. I don't know whether she ever took medication for mental illness. I guess when she was young there wasn't any.
It is very sad that your father was that ill that he took you to the front of the church and said this is the body of Christ during Holy Communion. I would have been very confused. At that age I was strongly influenced by my parents.
Nothing you said upset me. However, I feel sorry for you.
In your second message you suggested that mindfulness and Buddhism is allowed in this forum but religion is not. That seems a bit unfair. Christianity can almost be used like a tool as well.

[Misty-Mirrors]

Continuation:
Sorry. I pressed "post" before I had finished. It sounds like your father was a very educated man. My father wasn't. It is sad that he had no parents to raise him. Although, I almost think now that it would have been better if I had been raised by some strangers rather than my parents. My mother was terrible and my father was an enabler.
I have to "post" now. I may continue this message.
Misty

[Misty-Mirrors]

Hello NikNik.
Thank you for your comments.
Is religion not allowed in the Sane website? Is religion not allowed in the "Looking after our wellbeing" section?
Misty.

[Misty-Mirrors]

Hello Defiant Panda.
I also feel bad when people punish me. I feel shame. At one time I was too shy to debate the issue. I got angry. I raised my voice (once I even smacked a man in a the face with a book). These days I try to debate the issue calmly. I am still not good at debating. It takes a long time for me to think of some logical argument (sometimes weeks, sometimes months and sometimes years!).
I think it is better to respond slowly (and calmly) than not at all. What do you think?
Misty Mirror.

[NikNik]

Hi @Misty-Mirrors

Sorry for the confusion. You are allowed to mention religion. The only time talking about religion is problematic is if it's in a disrespectful manner towards those who follow a particular religion.

Apologies again for the confusion.

Nik

[DefiantPanda]

@Misty-Mirrors yes you are absolutely right, easier said than done though 🙂 Just so much easier to run away...

[Appleblossom]

Yes dealing with things calmly is helpful.  I have to work hard (ie lie down rest and meditate or pray) to regulate my emotions to remain calm yet also have enough sensitivity to be available artistically and as a teacher. 

I am glad you responded @Misty-Mirrors .. Do you read any saints or theologians?

yes my father's behaviour has been confusing but I am ok about it now ... the funny thing was that when my brother returned from the foster family my father started doing it to him ... I felt fleeting feeling of jealousy .. not really .. because it was obviously weird but I wasnt being the special loved one. I never got to talk about that aspect of behaviour with my brother before he died ...

My mother blocked me in so many things ... but her Chrisitian spirituality in her style was deep ... its just that she guilted and lied to herself about me .. which I didnt realise was that bad until I was an adult and mother etc and betrayed ...my mother was siphoning off my knowledge, material things and relationships ... it was very gradual ... I always tried to keep the family together but now I think I would have done just as well if she had left us in the orphanage.

Religion has helped me in 2 ways ..

1) Social Justice .. being very poor ... food hampers etc ... STV charity house for 6 months in 1966 before the orphanages ..visiting nuns .. visiting the sick and the poor ....being caring instead of angry ... then I put a lot back in through STV as an adult .. though have pulled away from that now.. but proud my son helped on soup vans and giving out christmas hampers for a few years.

2) being part of the music liturgy .. oragnist from 13-16 and then went back to it for periodically as an adult. Singing in choir has helped me calm down and stabilise and integrate the terrible tragedies of my siblings' deaths. 

I am sorry that your mother was not good for you ... it is very difficult the delicacy and problems that mothers have to both bear and the problems they cause when things are not right.

I am glad @NikNik clarified that it was ok to discuss beliefs and religious things .. when I was training in psychodrama direction and counselling ... I knew the spiritual orientations of many of them...  I think it is due to the fact that people can have opposing views and attitudes that SANE forum is careful .. but its a huge part of life so needs to be open for discussion ... we all had good will on this thread ...

thanks @DefiantPanda for joining in.

I can also relate to you in that my mother made me to sleep between her and my father from 8-10 ... boy was I glad when I had night time space to myself.

[Misty-Mirrors]

Hello Defiant Panda.
Yes, it is easier to run away. I guess I don't like being beaten. Having said that, I rarely win. Do you run away?
Misty.

[Misty-Mirrors]

Hello Appleblossom.
I pray, do relaxation exercises and anxiety release exercises.
I am busy reading the Missal most mornings. It is new to me. I haven't read any theologians. I read one woman saint in detail.
I still talk about the inappropriate behaviour of my parents and my older brother. I talk about them in support groups and to a friend. I am glad that you have been able to forgive your relatives.
I am sorry that your mother treated you inappropriately. Have you ever studied codependency. It was a major break thru for me!
Christianity has helped me greatly and continues to help me. I try to increase my involvement in church activities.I was rejected from a Catholic church for reading. I was told my voice is too monotone. I don't look enthusiastic enough. I was told by another Catholic church that I am not welcome as a Communion Minister either. I am trying to volunteer as a waiter in a Catholic cafe. I have worked in a committee distributing food coupons.
I am aware that discussion of religion easily offends some people.
I think it is abuse to make a daughter aged 8 to 10 sleep between husband and wife! I learned that in codependency books.
I hope your life is better now.
Misty.

[Neb]

Hello. It is nice to find that religion HAS helped people. It has for me too. I left the RCC in my teenaged years determined to pursue my own damnation. I was becoming rather unglued in my head at that time. I was eventually diagnosed with DID after many years in the world of mental health issues

i was back working as a shift worker and studying Buddhism, when a doctor started visiting my area ( I was usually alone with my sleeping patients) and discussed theology and a wide and varied subject list. I eventually went to a Mass which was the Tridentine and the rest is history. I also went to Confession, where I was gently led through about 3 decades. It was a wonderfully cathartic experience. Finding my way back to my Faith has provided boundaries that I thought would chafe but have been empowering, the strength to move to a new town and a new life and friends. I have discovered a contentment I would not thought possible.