Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hello Everyone been a while since posting any kind of lengthy post ,Im really at a place of needing to reflect and take stock of where Im at,alot of things latelty wether good or bad have been out of my control,so many things going on at once,wether its family relationships, family events, personal growth and at the same time personal worries,constantly on the go,a new romantic relationship,taking the chance and risk of love hopefully without being majorly hurt again,its a long distance relationship which is quite different in a very positive way,just hope it stays that way,in terms of family relationships not getting along with a few family,but also seeing too much of other family members,its not to say that I dont love them or anything its just things have been a little too social as of lately with family get togethers ect,need a bit of alone time to ballance it all out,meanwhile worried for the romantic relationship being somehow neglected if im so constantly busy at the momment with spending so much time with family,so many changing circumastances at once,one coping method is smoking,another is sleeping,another is listening to either quiet or loud music depending on the mood,also going back to lighting fragrant candles to help relax,alot going on and trying to give my all to everyone,both the family relationships as well as this new found romantic relationship,one unmet need with the romantic relationship is that Id love for us to be able to call eachother instead of just messaging I need to hear the sound of his voice,he lives on the other side of the world and works full time aswell as other responsibilites with his family, Im also getting rather busy lately with my family,how do we keep the connection and communication strong when we live so far apart ,I realise all relationships have their ups and downs ,feeling the need for a nap at the momment and my phone keeps ringing today which is bugging me 

[TuxedoCat]

Hi there @LostAngel, nice to e-meet you! It sounds like you have some amazing coping strategies! 

It sounds like you have a lot of worries and competing priorities! Is there anything in particular our community can support you with? 

Sounds to me like you are having trouble making time for everything which is making you worried. And that's making you take stock. Is that right?

How will you take stock?

❤️ TuxedoCat

Hope we can support you

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @LostAngel ,

I feel like I haven't seen you around in a while. I believe the last time I 'saw' you was when you were finding ways to support your brother.

You are a brave soul. You care so much. You've been hurt but you continue to press on. I really admire your strength.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @LostAngel,

I just finished reading your post - you come across as a very considerate, self aware and loving person who wants to be everything to everyone. This is a really commendable way to be but I wonder if it means you don't put your needs first. 

I feel like I was a lot like you - always trying to juggle many balls of keeping family, friends, work etc happy and I was getting burnt out. I think it is very wise that you realise you need to take stock and have a bit of me time - it's kind of like recharging your batteries. A good friend of mine who is a solicitor was saying something similar to me the other day - she has to do her work, take care of her family, take care of her elderly dad etc - she's exhausted. I reminded her that whilst it was great to be such a giving and caring person that it was not only okay but important to prioritise her needs as much if not more than those around her. So for this week she has cancelled all non-essential activities and any spare time she has she is going to just do whatever she wants. 

Thanks for sharing - I think a lot of people can relate to how you feel. 

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[LostAngel]

Thank you @FloatingFeather , @BPDSurvivor @TuxedoCat  really appreciate the support, Today I went for a walk outdoors in nature for a bit,and it helped emensely maybe I should scedual in a walk more often just me,my thoughts and some much needed fresh air that helps to reflect and even practice a bit of mindfullness ,have been taking good care of my mental health except yes I do still worry alot and care alot about others,trying to find ways to fill in time ect when overthinking things especially,it was nice to have some time to myself,Ive also been really into watching the latest season of Virgin River on Netflix one of my faves to watch,although yes I feel like smoking a bit again today,it was very sad to hear the Passing of Olivia Newton John yesterday that really hurt she was such a well known down to earth Aussie singer ,found myself listening to the Grease cd today to get through feeling sad for her and her family and friends John Travolta must be devastated,it doesnt who we are or what we do in life wether rich or not we still all have only so much time and once the time is up its up sadly,anyway Im trying to keep busy but also take care of myself so as not to keep feeling a certain way

[LostAngel]

I think what also helps is just to have somewhere to write everything out ,maybe Im not exactly looking for advice as such just as long as theres a place to let stuff out,let go of things off of my mind,as for the long distance new found romantic relationship it is both beautifull yet scary Im much more wary this time around,at times it feels like a whirl wind romance but other times things are steady,easy going bringing a sense of peace or maybe fullfillment,so far no red flags that I can see from him,hopefully theres no red of me,excpect for past fears of being hurt ect and worrying too much over the smallest of things such as the fact we dont always get the timing right with communicating with eachother because of different time zones ,he wakes up for work when I go to sleep so technically hell be eating dinner when Im eating breakfast ,But we make it work,a little upsy downsy but arnt all relationships that way at times,this one well he came out of nowhere and instead of bringing me pain and suffering he instead brings,smiles,comfort,empathy,trust and affection,despite the great physical distance between us and its worth it I know it he is worth it completely hopefully things progress onwards and upwards between us ,the key is we both make time to give to eachother,check in with eachother and really listen no matter the distance,I do think I need to relax more though ,maybe communicate a little better and give him the time he needs for some space for other areas of his life ,I do Love him ,he is a very positive and worthwhile man ok I better sign off cause I could go on and on about all his good points take care everyone Ill post as needed especially just to let stuff out 

[TuxedoCat]

hey @LostAngel so nice to talk again ❤️ 

I'm so glad going for a walk felt so nice. Sounds like having them regularly could help clear your head and practice your mindfulness! If you want some mindfulness activities, we have a thread called Mindful Mondays: New activity every Monday.  I also find walking really helpful for my mental health too! Even just a quick one around the block.

And it sounds like you had a nice time remembering Olivia Newton John through music. I'm planning on watching Grease this weekend ❤️ It's ok to feel sad, I feel a bit sad too. But it will pass soon.

It sounds like your relationship brings you a lot of joy and you're being really reflective about it. Those sound like great ideas to strengthen your relationship ❤️ 

How are you feeling today?

TuxedoCat

[LostAngel]

hello @TuxedoCat @FloatingFeather @BPDSurvivor thanks for the support and understanding, just an update alot of anxiety and overthinking is creeping up for me in the night time hours but still manage to sleep, feeling anxiety alot tonight you know that restless feeling where your brain is in kind of over drive anyway im going to try to sleep either by listening to music or a mindfulness app goodnight all ,also feel i was a bit panicky,clingy ,impatient about online distance relationship at the momment ,but hes being kind and supportive inspite of me being like that at times thank goodness hes there ,just to listen and share stuff with,gives loads of reasurance anyway i have to try and get some sleep tonight take care all and thank you 

[BPDSurvivor]

Thanks for your tag @LostAngel,

I hope to sleep tonight too. I’ve had a few restless nights, finding it difficult to sleep. And tonight, I find myself maybe ‘anxious’ that I won’t sleep again?

I don’t have any depressed, upset, fearful thoughts or anything. I’m just struggling to have that REM sleep I so desperately need.

 But that’s okay. I just need to push on. Sleep will come.

 Hope you have a good sleep @LostAngel !

[LostAngel]

thank you @BPDSurvivor and sorry to hear your having sleep problems,tonight again Im anxcious and think it has something to do with attachment style when it comes to relationships,I think I have anxcious attachment style or possibly both anxcious and avoident depending on relationship type of platonic or romantic,its so hard when you just wanna be with someone you love so much and yet there on the other side of the world currently