Lived Experience Forum

[Monkey1]

I want to ask others how their anxiety / panic feels and thinks.  I have GAD, and for me it involves periods of panic/anxiety for 3-4 weeks every couple of years.

The feelings are intense fear, like I can do nothing but stay immobile, I am shaking, muscles locked, adrenalin high.  I am terrified.  It stays like this for hours, and ebbs and flows like this throughout the day.  I will want to do anything to be free.

The thoughts, however, are sometimes not there: I simply can't name anything that I'm afraid of.  It is pure feeling of terror.  

Sometimes, however, my mind can pick virtually any anxious topic.  Usually to do with pain.  For example,

• reading of survivors in a recent terrorist attack or war, I think about how sad they would be having lost their loved ones.  
• afraid of my spouse leaving me because of MI.
• afraid of religious judgement
• afraid of rejection by friends.

Is this similar to other people?  

[saltandpepper]

@Monkey1 Your description of fear sounds extreme, like on the level of sheer terror. Being incapable of functioning because of fear, as I understand it, is common when someone has been in a situation where they feared for their life. Being frozen with fear is an indication of past trauma, unresolved trauma, and usually happens as a result of being in a situation that was too overwhelming for your mind and body to process when it occurred. It's common for those who (as I said) have been in life threatening situations and also common in those who experienced trauma in their childhood.

Is there a time in your life you can remember feeling fear to this degree? A time when you feared for your life? Is there any significant events that occur at the time of year when the panic sets in for those 3-4 weeks? Do you experience intense fear at any other times, or is it only during the 3-4 week period?

[Monkey1]

Thanks for your reply @saltandpepper .  I didn't realise it was unusual for people with anxiety to feel this way; I had assumed that when people spoke about anxiety, they felt this way too.  This discovery will hopefully help in diagnosis.  I don't remember any life-threatening or abusive events in my life at all - I have been quite sheltered.  So I need to go see my GP.

[saltandpepper]

@Monkey1 There's definitely plenty of folks that experience anxiety to this degree, you're absolutely not alone. I used to really struggle with anxiety as well, however I was able to identify what was triggering mine (mind you, it took seeing a therapist for it to all click) I too have experienced that freezing response to fear, but yes, it is extreme, definitely worth addressing either with your GP or a psychologist. Or maybe even both.

[saltandpepper]

@Monkey1  And I should also clarify, when I say trauma in childhood, it doesn't necessarily mean abuse. Yes, obviously abuse, but there's a lot a kid can be traumatised by. You mentioned some things in your earlier comment that give you some anxious feelings--Like you feel fear at the thought of being rejected or your partner leaving? If you think about those things, does it bring up any memories or feelings from the past? Do you remember feeling fear that you would be rejected or abandoned as a child? I'm obviously not a therapist, but I do feel the fact you're able to identify a particular period of 3-4 weeks where the feelings are so extreme is significant. And I want to say, but also don't want to frighten or cause you any alarm, trauma memories are a whole other ball game, they're not encoded in our brains the same way regular memories are stored. It's possible that you aren't able to consciously access the memories, and they're coming out in bouts of intense anxiety instead. These are just my thoughts, and I tend to gravitate towards trauma being the explanation because it's relevant to me. But, you have indicated enough to me to warrant further investigation. I think it would be worth exploring with a qualified psychologist

[Monkey1]

@saltandpepper  Sorry for the absence.  I've been finding it really hard to get any private time on my computer which is shared in the family.

I've been exploring therapists near me and my GP is happy to refer me once I find a pysch who has experience with this kind of thing..

Some kind of childhood trauma is possible, so it's worth a shot.

I'll try to post back when I have more info.

In the meantime I've been getting better: anxiety reducing, moving towards a softer sadness which is easier to live with.