Lived Experience Forum

[BlackCat13]

Dads spinal surgery is first up tomorrow. Have to get him to the hospital for 6am admission. There are 3 possibilities- shave off the burrs, attach metal plate to stabilise lower back and drill out spinal chord channel to relieve stenosis. Not 100% sure until they get inside. 

I have emailed in my plan for the relief teacher tonight so I hope it is ok. I am taking a book to read , downloaded some Netflix shows and have a few hundred digital portfolios to mark to finalises semester 2 report card grades. Plenty of things to do if I can get motivated. Now to just get some sleep as I will have to be up at 4.30am to be there by 6am. Have been told he is first for the day. Fingers crossed it goes according to plan and the can wake him up easier this time from the anaesthetic.   

Well off to try and get some sleep 😞

[Zoe7]

I nope you had a little sleep and got your Dad to the hospital ok @BlackCat13

Hopefully you are now waiting for your Dad to be out of surgery and it has all gone ok.

Thinking of you this morning Hon 

Let us know how it all goes...

[BlackCat13]

I really hate the feelings from my anxiety, stress and depression. It has already been a tough few days personally. My Dad came through his spinal surgery well (he was in theatre for nearly 5 hours then in recovery for 1 1/2 hours) but still too early to tell if it has solved the problems. Tonight it became tough in my head professionally. The principal has emailed out the teacher allocations for next year. I am the exact same as this year but the issue is that I will be working with 5 new to the specialist role and a couple of them I find quite intimidating. My social anxieties have kicked into overdrive bringing the worry, panic and dread over having to build new relationships at work, share a confined office space (that I have already been struggling with only sharing with 3 others). I am feeling extremely negative tonight towards my job, my work place and colleagues. I wish there was something else I could do but I have never been anything other than a student or teacher since I started year 1 in 1978. My 3 degrees are all in Education. 

Im no good at anything else. I have zero confidence or self-esteem. 

Im tired of being a survivor, someone who struggles just to keep afloat in the world...it’s exhausting. 

I just don’t know what to do anymore 😞

[Zoe7]

That is tough @BlackCat13 and I understand your anxiety particularly around work. It is hard enough trying to do your job but even harder when you don't enjoy it or are faced with colleagues that you find intimidating - so incredibly tough for you Hon 

I hope also that your Dad's operation worked and he will be back up on his feet soon. That would be adding so much extra pressure on you - especially with your Mum staying with you too.

Just keeping afloat is exhausting and throw in all the other things you are dealing with and it makes it even harder. 

Thinking of you and listening here @BlackCat13 

[BlackCat13]

Thank you @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

How is your Dad doing @BlackCat13 - and how was your day?

[BlackCat13]

@Zoe7 Dad is getting out of hospital tomorrow. He says this recovery feels much different to the other two and this is certainly his fastest discharge after such surgeries.

[Zoe7]

That is really good news @BlackCat13 You must be relieved 

How was work today?

[BlackCat13]

After getting the news about dad getting out of hospital I thought finally, things might settle down...wrong!!! My sister had to have her lovely old cat put down yesterday. My nieces have never known life without him. Needless to say I have since been reluctant to let my fluff ball go. My overthinking led me down the path of thinking about how I will fall apart when mine eventually succumbs to the rainbow bridge leaving me dreading the future. I got him during my darkest time and credit him with being my lifesaver p. 

[Zoe7]

I totally understand that @BlackCat13 My previous cat I got at one of my darkest times and was indeed my life saver way back then. My present fur babies have done the same for me this time around - I would not be here without them so I 100% get how much your fur baby means to you. They bring so much joy into our lives and make this MI thing just that little bit more bearable.