Lived Experience Forum

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  So much I want to say, but it’s best not said. You have more than your share to deal with, that’s enough. 💜💜💛💛

Never ever will I agree it’s your fault though.

Just a note though. Years ago while saying similar to some of your own words to my then psych. She responded with, “ He knew exactly who he married”. And he did.

Stay safe @Former-Member . 💙💙💙

[CheerBear]

Sending you hugs love @Former-Member. You're in an awful situation and it's not your fault. Seeing you, hearing you, feeling with you and thinking of you.

🙁❤❤

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  sending you peace and harmony for today.  As with others here there is soooo much I could say.  About the cycle of abuse, about grooming, about gaslighting.  I too have been through it all.  The 'buy back' and 'honeymoon' periods are in no way compensation for the 'build up' and 'explosion' phases of the cycle.  I did a course on recovering from abuse 2 years ago and it has helped enormously.  You shouldn't have to live with an escape plan, or leave your home for safety.  And I stress that it is never your fault.  We cannot love them into changing.  Being abused for something like seeing your doctor is just not ok.  

I strongly agree with what @CheerBear @Maggie @Appleblossom @Starta @Molliex @Zoe7 @BlueBay @Shaz51 @outlander  have said.  We care and are concerned for you.

Your sensitivity (and subsequent anxiety and fear) are not things to be punished for, and warranted in the situation.  Really strongly wishing that you can see the red flags and get out before things come to a head.  

There's so much more I could say here .....

I stress ... it's not your fault, you don't deserve it, and you have a right to live in peace and safety.  Take good care my friend xx

[BlueBay]

Well said @eth 

totally agree

thinking if you my friend @Former-Member 

sending you big hugs and love ❤️🤗

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member 

Please don't worry that you had to go to ground after your husband was so angry at you for no reason other than you were late - hey - I guess he knew you were seeing your GP and afraid you might tell him about the bruises - after all 

There is no reason a man should put his hands on a woman in anger -  men are usually bigger and stronger and it is terrifying to be in such a situation

Yes - your husband does have a lot to contend with and life is easier for him with you to care for many of his requirements but he does drink and this causes him to be unreasonably angry and your being sensitive and afraid fuels this fire as well

I have heard about the "honey-moon" period and the kindness and consideration shown after one of these rages - it tends to help you feel as if you are safe - that this is all over now - until the next time

You do need to find ways to protect yourself - maybe go back and talk to your doctor again - he already knows how you got those bruises and perhaps the scars as well - GPs see this all the time and they know - just as the police do

So you do need to look for some avenues out from where you are now for you to be safe - whatever your husband's situation you need to protect yourself

I don't know where to start looking but your GP will - my suggestion is to go back to him and book a long appointment during the day - open up and tell him - there is no need for you to live feeling shame for something you aren't doing - 

We all care about you - just reading all the messages here convince me of that - you are a kind and supportive person and you deserve better than what you are getting atm

Lots of hugs

Dec

[Peri]

Dear @Former-Member ,

this is terrible and so worrying.  As the others have said, your husbands reaction is NOT YOUR FAULT.  He alone is responsible for  actions.  Being ill is not an excuse for being abusive.  This has been going on a lot longer than his illness.

i am so concerned for your safety. 

You deserve to feel peace and some happiness and to live in a safe environment. We are all here for you and thinking of you.  

Dont feel you have to post unless you feel able and wanting to do so.  But know that you are supported as best we can. 

Peri

[Appleblossom]

Spending years with one person, we build a lot and so much of our lives are intertwined.

@Former-Member 

Sorry about your trees.  I lost an eremophila one summer.  It looked terrific and then boom, it was gone and I could not stop it.

[Corny]

I had a bad experience too @Former-Member and I was Beyond it, until I was Blue in the face, but I know how it can really peeve you off. I still have not received an apology. The only thing I was guilty of was having a public breakdown. Some people seem to guard their own privacy like a pack of wolves but have total disregard for anyone else's. But my PhD in Psychology from the University of Life helped me through and I am sure that your Doctorate in Human Suffering does the same. Just stay away from that website, block it on your router so you aren't triggered. 

Corny 

[Former-Member]

Beautifully said @Corny  😀 I totally got it.  And yeah .. not been anywhere near there in well over 12 months. No desire to, knowing them as well as I do and having as many bad experiences there as I have had. Wish it were different, but its unlikely to change while current personnel are there. I would not hang out for any apology if I were you. They never admit to wrongdoing, no matter how wrong they are. Such a shame, as so many beautiful people there, whom I care a lot about.

I read that you are doing well being home from the honeymoon suite. Good for you! 

Everyone else ..  @Molliex @Zoe7 @Starta @Appleblossom @Maggie @CheerBear @outlander @eth  @BlueBay @Owlunar @Peri Thanks so much for your posts and support. I sometimes feel unworthy of your support, because I keep going back for more. Some of you have managed to leave similar situations, and I admire your strength. I guess I am just not strong enough to leave, or too damned stupid to do so. Thanks everyone for not judging me and for continuing to stick with me.

Maggie its interesting what your psych said to you .. mine said very similar to me some time back.

Thanks so much @Peri I dont see you often, but I love to hear from you whenever you are up to posting.

@Starta  I know much of my situation is likely to be very triggering for you, so I appreciate your support all the more for that. I have a feeling you may be visiting, or about to visit, your son and dil. I feel sure your presence and support for them all will be a godsend to them during such a sad time. Im sure also that your grandchildren will love having their nanna there.

@Zoe7 really sorry I have not yet responded to your last couple of posts on the FandA thread. I have read them, but there is a lot there. And when I go to respond, my jumbled up thoughts keep failing me, and I cant seem to concentrate long enough to answer with any measure of sense. I will get there soon I hope.

Its been a difficult few days. And to top it off, I have been unable to reach my psych, despite a couple of attempts to do so. Its left me feeling very alone, isolated and abandoned. She has always told me to contact her any time, and she always responds. This time she hasnt. 

Sherry 😀