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Yipoet
Casual Contributor

How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

I'm supporting a friend who I believe is very unwell. She hasn't eaten or slept properly in over a week. She's so physically weak that she can't stand for long periods of time. She's changed the way that she speaks and her beliefs that are different to those around her. 

 

She has cut ties with her romantic partner and other friends, and I'm the only person she's speaking to at the moment. She lives alone and very few supports or community.

 

Her best friend called 000 to try to get her admitted to a mental health ward, but my friend said she did not want help. Her psychiatrist has never seen her face-to-face and didn't notice anything was wrong in the tele-consult.

 

She currently lives in another state to me. I'm very concerned she won't be able to access care and support or that she'll become so weak at home that she can't cook for herself. I do not believe she will attempt suicide (intentionally). I can't fly to see her soon because I have a young baby. Sometimes she acknowledges that she's currently unwell, but mostly she tells me that she's 'the best she's ever been', even though I know that she's involved in multiple stressful legal matters.

 

My plan is to continue communicating with her each day as a loving friend and have food delivered to her. On Monday, I'll try to gently encourage her to present at ED and seek help. I don't want her to block me too or to lose her as a friend.

 

Please let me know if you have any ideas about how I can help. Thank you.

6 REPLIES 6

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Hey @Yipoet ,

 

Good on you for reaching out and being such an incredible support to your friend. 

 

I read you are very worried about your friend, which is understandable.

 

I hear she is not wanting help. However, it may be possible to link her into some services such as SANE's Guided Service? https://www.sane.org/referral

 

Otherwise, SANE has a Drop-in line whereby she was have a web chat or phone in on 1800 187 263. Sometimes, it may be confronting having to get out of the house to speak to someone. Some people prefer webchats. 

 

Whatever it is, I'd encourage you to continue providing her alternative services. 

 

At the same time, it is important you take care of your own wellbeing.

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Hi @Yipoet 

 

You are such a good friend and caring person - bless you for that - it's wonderful.

 

However - it is really hard to help a person who doesn't want - or says she doesn't want - help. What could anyone living far away do? That is a hard question to answer.

 

First - you have a young baby to care for and that is your first responsibility. Also - you must care for yourself - no one can help another person if they are not maintaining their own health and boundaries - and I know - it's really hard because you obviously care a lot. Your friend is very lucky to have you.

 

Your plans to be in contact with her every day and even have food delivered to her are really good - and also - keeping some distance so she doesn't feel overwhelmed.

 

And then you try again on Monday to get her to reach out for help - and I really hope she does listen.

 

There's not really anything else you can do - she has cut herself off from other people so yes - you want to protect your friendship - I really understand that.

 

Still - it's very much up to her. It remains true that some people don't want help. Maybe they are afraid of what might happen if they do end up in hospital - that can stop people from seeking help. Some people don't like being told what to do - I certainly don't - but then I am caring for myself and apparently - she is not - that is a real worry for you.

 

You must also make sure you don't let all of this become too much for you - for some help you can always ring Life-Line - they will listen and have some suggestions for you. It will help you to share your thoughts with someone else - I find this helpful now and again, the phone number is 13 11 14. It's completely confidential.

 

All the best and please keep in touch.

 

Owlunar

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Dear Owlunar

 

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this thoughtful, caring and specific response. I really appreciated it during a time of high stress. Your work on this forum helps so many people at a time when they feel lonely and at their wits' end - thank you for your hard work.

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Hi @Owlunar , I believe the post above was for you.

 

Hi @Yipoet , welcome to the forums! Just a little hint, you can type "@" in front of a members name so they receive a notification your post.

 

See you around 🙂

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Thanks for your comment @Yipoet 

 

I appreciate this more than I can say.

 

In spite of the challenges in my life I have been able to overcome things I would not have thought possible - I have sought help and been very fortunate in what I have received.

 

My writing here is my way of paying it back - 

 

Again - many thanks and all the best yourself.

 

Owlunar

Re: How can friends be helpful when you feel unwell?

Thanks for the heads up @tyme 

 

I am very happy to have seen that post - it means a lot to me

 

Owlunar

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