Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

I had 2 1/2 years of support workers @EternalFlower I may not be here if not for the regularity.  In tough times it was twice per week, then weekly, then fortnightly.  Stopped it a few months ago.  Life is full of challenges and surprises, but I am more robust now, than then.  I really was terrible isolated, and it has been hard getting back into a social life.  I have tried so many things and approaches and researched.  Today a counsellor said I was on fire.  I am somehow feeling I have a back bone and my vulnerability and neediness and tendency to say all the wrong things are falling away.  I am not as nice, but a bit more funny. 

Jeez ... the half smile meditation was a big stepping stone. From there to a full smile, then a belly laugh and then they became more frequent.  It has been a very long journey ... and only you know what will tickle your funny bone.  Now I have conversations most days with laughs, and nods and mutual connection. I know neighbours, local shopkeepers, people at church and in music.  I needed to spread the net wide, as I was too vulnerable and needy, but a little from here and a little from there, and slowly it grows  and adds up.  Now my diary is filling up.

Enjoy time with supports! Make it work for you!  Yes those non clinical activities are hugely important and healing. 

[EternalFlower]

Thank you @Appleblossom I relate.

I am glad u feel on fire or are perceived as such...I hope u are feeling a bit better as I know u had a tough time. I am sorry for ur pain. Gently for sure.

I am looking for a third worker, I need a fair bit of care and time ....it is hard to get a good fit bit there are some wonderful opportunities to be had. I feel sometimes like in a trauma loop. Gentle always. 

[Appleblossom]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMyTjHAcfxA 

This speaks a lot to me.

The level of poverty, I endured shaped my personality a lot.  It has taken a long while to figure out all the dynamics.  This is nuanced enough while acknowledging the difficulties and realities.

[Appleblossom]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugQEiZG19Rs 

@Jacques 

Maybe this could be worth a look ... you mentioned getting a dx...

[Jacques]

hi @Appleblossom thank you so so much, i just watched the video. it is amazing, the psych is refering me to a place to give me a assessment. so it will be interesting to see what they come up with. as i said to the psychologist it is too late now to do anything about my situation, im just using time until mum passes then my time is up. i have accepted this situation and i feel ok with my decision. 

[Appleblossom]

Keep in touch and let us know how things are going @Jacques 

[Appleblossom]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS_U3crJu9k 

Four powerful strategies to overcome passive suicidal ideation.

His discussion is philosophical, personal and practical.  Finally better discussions without rejection, dismissive, over intervention by authorities.

Not meaning to be a downer, but seems they are thoughts most of us have dealt with.  Ignore, if it is triggering, but dont stew, please let me know ...

[Jacques]

i will @Appleblossom sorry im not on much, im not very well and struggle with concentration. i do reply when i can. 

hugs

how are you and your son going? i hope he is more settled these days.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @Jacques wish it was better for you.

My son is more settled.  He has been more social, he asked for healthy food, just back from shop with kombucha and berries.

[Dimity]

Greetings @Appleblossom and thanks for the links. I too experienced childhood poverty; found the autism link interesting (perhaps I'm on the spectrum); but might look at the one on passive si when I'm feeling stronger.

Atm I'm struggling with isolation and lack of conversation so apologies for any incoherence. 

@Jacques I care deeply and wish you well with your new mh team, I hope you find real help and connection.  I appreciate your quiet efforts. 

@Appleblossom I trust Spring is bringing out the best of your courtyard garden and guerrilla gardens. My little plot is burgeoning but the common garden is largely razed.

Do you have any pointers on beginning metta meditation?