Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Zofia207]

Tonight I feel hopeless, i dont know how long i can shield my son from realising how unwell his dad is. I don’t know who i can talk to, my partner’s thoughts are so distorted, i can constantly see the pain in his face, and I just keep reassuring him it will go away, but even i loose hope sometimes. He never wants to seek professional care until things go really badly. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Zofia207,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

I'm sorry to read what you and your family are going through. It sounds like things are pretty tough for you all at the moment. I really feel for you - seeing someone you love go through something like this is very painful. I have a close family member that was diagnosed many years ago with a serious mental health condition. Before they were diagnosed (and even after they were diagnosed - before the treatment started to really work for them) I felt helpless and lost hope around how I could help and I was concerned if my family member would ever get better.

I understand from what you have said that your partner doesn't want to seek help until things get really bad but from my own experience I would really encourage him to seek help as soon as he can. I have had anxiety on and off for much of my adult life. When it first happened I didn't know what was going on and I didn't reach out for help until it was almost out of hand. I think because I delayed seeking help it got far worse than it needed to be so (even to this day) if I feel the nigglings of anxiety coming back I seek help early on so to ensure that it never gets so bad again. I know it's not always easy to convince someone to get help, particularly if they are feeling very overwhelmed, but I think early intervention is very important. Not only for your partner but also for the whole family.

I would also really encourage you to get some support for yourself. As someone that is a primary emotional carer I can't emphasis enough how much you need help too. It is a heavy burden to carry on your own, particularly if you are trying to shield your son as well. What I have learned over the years as a carer is that you can only do so much, be so much, say so much, support so much. At the end of the day, no matter how much we may wish for our loved one to get better, ultimately they need to reach out for help.

I am going to list two organisations here that may be of some help to you. Both are Australian carer organisations that are here to support people that find themselves in situations like yours.

- Carer Gateway 

- Carers Australia 

You can also contact the SANE drop-in centre for help. This service can be contacted via email, phone and forums (as you have done). The phone service is available Monday to Friday from 10am to 10pm. The SANE guided service is a free digital and telehealth services with ongoing tailored support for people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers. You can refer yourself which makes it easier too. The services at SANE are free.

I wish you all the best - please keep reaching out for support as you don't have to go through this alone.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather