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Tracey4
New Contributor

Bipolar Disorder

Hi,

New to this forum and feeling very alone. My son who is now 30 has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for 5 years now. He uses alcohol to ‘escape’ and can become suicidal and psychotic when drinking although he says it allows him to express his feelings. He tells me (and only me) that anger lives with him 24/7 and that he always feels what he describes as sad and lonely. He is medicated but says the meds don’t help but make him feel numb. He tells me when drinking that he always wants to take his life but hides it from others. He goes to work and goes through the motions for his 2yo little girl who he adores but feels like he’s living a fake life. We have been through detox and many mental health professionals over the years but here we are. He says I’m his best friend. I’m feeling unable to help him and at a loss as to what to do. He goes from very calm talking about how he should just get it over with (suicide) to so so angry in one sentence and I can see him fighting himself so hard for control because he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me. He can be aggressive and scary at times. When I read up on bipolar it mentions episodes over and over. He says he’s extremely sad all of the time. The only ‘episodes’ I notice are the psychotic ones, when he’s drinking and loses control and wants to end his life. The ‘chatter’ in his head he says is all of the time. It breaks my heart that he lives like this. He is such a caring beautiful boy

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Bipolar Disorder

@Tracey4 

 

Hugs

 

Wish I could offer more. 

Re: Bipolar Disorder

Hi @Tracey4 , welcome to the forums! I just want to thank you for posting and acknowledge the courage it takes to do that. I hope you'll find the forums to be supportive and welcoming during these experiences of feeling lonely. We'll all be sitting with you during ❤️

 

We've just sent you an email to check in with you.

 

It sounds like you and your family have been through the ringer, but I'm glad he's got you. It sounds like you've been a real cornerstone in their journey. And it's so clear you care for and love him very, very much. But it can be difficult knowing you're the one who he tells these things to. It can be very heavy ❤️

 

It sounds like you're concerned about your sons use of alcohol to cope and his suicidal ideation. And also thinking that maybe the meds or diagnosis don't quite fit? Does that sound right?

 

If you are questioning the diagnosis and effectiveness of the meds, you and your son could talk to your medical practitioner? We can't help out with that specific thing on the forums, but if it feels like the diagnosis and meds don't fit, that might be a good place to start? I know for me, finding the right diagnosis (and trying some different psychiatrists) was one of the most important steps in my ongoing recovery journey. It took a while and felt disorienting at the time. But I'm glad I persisted.

 

And I'm so sorry that a coping mechanism like drinking is having this impact. That's a lot for you to hold. You've survived this for so long, has there been anything helpful in getting you through alone so far? And also, if there are times when you feel unsafe do you have support?

 

What you're going through is very complex and you don't have to go through it along. You can call the SANE counselling for some free one-on-one support. It's free and very easy to access. Here are the details

SANE counselling service 

  • You can call them between 10am and 10pm on 1800 18 7263
  • Or you can talk to them over webchat

 

And maybe you have them already, but these are some useful crisis services for when that happens.

  • Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 
  • Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

 

Sending lots of support and sitting with you,

TuxedoCat

 

Re: Bipolar Disorder

@Tracey4  your post could be me writing that. I feel your pain and understand. I am at a loss with my son. Its been years of trying to get him diagnosed and now hes not coping on the meds. 40 yrs old . Is there ever a way out for them.

Sending you strength 💞

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