Lived Experience Forum

[StuF]

Hey @TAB 

I hope you got some sleep and today goes well for you 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Good to hear your news @tonys Down to Earth and poetic ... 

"His Natural Life" ...

could be "An Outback Marriage" 

just pulled out me "Singer of the Bush" by Banjo ...

lets celebrate Being in our Country.

Back from Yoga ... reflecting on the social bits and bobs ... think thats a bit Brit ...lol 

It def feels better socialising when I am not as obviously needy as I was in my childhood or obviously in pain as in first stage of adulthood. I can afford it without strain, and can stand my ground without fear.

[TAB]

At Eucla @tonys  price gone thru roof got rush of people 3pm bit unusual guess scared wont get a room

Got Vast for tv snd ph now looks  , plus yhrew all40 yo tvs and a/,c's out, cheap flatscreen bit of lino and bobs yr uncle extra $50/nite lol

[Appleblossom]

Thank you for allowing me to express my anxiety and support on forum and email @tyme @FloatingFeather @Shaz51 in caring for carers.  Yesterday I was so anxious and si was flying.

I ended up having a lovely evening and my son went out had a good night too.  Issues around acceptance and belonging are huge for me.  Working on standing up for myself with humour and directness is slowly having good effects in my relationships and I am not simply in submission mode but a full player.

I feel I was like a ball tossed from person to person a lot of my life and finally standing my ground, or moving away when I feel unwanted, but having a mouth to speak up for myself.  My family and I were third class citizens. Surviving has been no easy feat. TRUST issues huge. Keeping the NEED and life and death issues out of socialising and having other things to share has been a big transition for me.  It seems my story is really too hard for most people to cope with let alone relate to, but WORKING on it.  I should not have to be too careful in socialising. I have had to work so hard to figure out what is appropriate for people and so tired of rejection or being blamed. I should be able to bring most of myself to bear in full expression.  Others do all the time. My experiences are so interwoven separating out what is socially acceptable is a big burden.  Am looking for more outlets that can suit me, and will see how it all pans out.  Have not wanted to impose myself here or anywhere.

[Appleblossom]

@Angeltree Welcome to the forum and the discussion.

I almost missed your post among the others chat.  But I really feel your simplicity and genuineness, and especially relate to "burning heart".  I am introvert too, but as parent had to make myself more open to relating with others, without sacrificing myself too much.  It has been a huge learning curve.  Understatement.. weary sigh ...

[Historylover]

Hey there, @Appleblossom. Sorry to hear that you've been putting yourself through a difficult time re socialising. You are wonderful company, so don't underestimate yourself. I hope you have a wonderful time today and don't expect too much of yourself. 😊

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Historylover I really needed reassurance and you sensed that. I can be super sensitive even though I also roll with the punches and get up on my feet, but those knocks add up.

I did not go to one planned event.  It was a big deal with pollies but I have belonged the the group for 15 year and not built any deep sense of relationship, though the group's purpose is about my deep history eg being a ward of the state. I went to a closer event which had a community arts focus.  Met new people and ran into people I knew. Got a hug and phone number.  For so long I felt invisible and had to travel across town for this kind of thing so it is great stuff is coming closer to where I live, with the chance that paths criss cross ... and we meet again.

[tonys]

hey there appleblossom.    You sound like my wind chimes,  and daily wish.   No matter the way of the wind.   we'll   turn it into music.

 Trees age well.   Shed the fluff,  keep the strong stuff,   and leave those with cheep rakes to . . .

irritate. . .  over piles of leaves in  scattering autumn breezes.

Your oak is your legacy to yourself  mate

And thanks for your kite  @Appleblossom 

saw your other kite re your childhood and appropriate places to reveal and share.

So,  .  .  .  I'm  going to a dance tonight.   My immaculate dress sense stops at the end of my nicely ironed pants.          Thongs   with an even greater sin. .  .  socks.!

If there is something you have to unwrap one day and put where you know to a certainty,  will never look out of place,

I have a whole parking lot of.     bent up,  .  .  .  Bentleys .   .

tonys     moonbase  1                     

[Appleblossom]

Thanks muchly @tonys 

I have shared a lot on this forum over the years.  For some maybe an overshare, but I felt I had little option, it was open up or shut up and go away.  I just had to relax and not feel I always needed a lawyer next to me saying what scandal in my life was permissable or not.

Change of topic:

Geez mate ... about the sox in thongs ... the problem not so much the dress sense but the worry that you will trip over those darn thongs on the dance floor ... tis why I  like to dance barefoot. lol

We all get bent out of shape. Even Bentleighs. I finally made it as Aussie and have beat up old Holden.

Glad you enjoy flying.  So do I.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Appleblossom,

I'm really pleased to read that you had a lovely evening - such great news! I am also glad to read that your son also had a good night 🙂.

It sounds like you are doing well at being more assertive. I was raised to be compliant and never speak up for myself so I understand a little how you feel. I always thought it was a little unfair that other people had the right to speak their truth but I wasn't allowed. Like you, over the years I have found my voice a bit more. It does feel strange because it goes against my nature to speak up but the more I do it the easier I find it. Do you find that as well?

I agree with you around speaking your truth, the good and the bad. It's your story and  contributes to who you are. I think when we find our people (the people that really get us and accept us) is where we can speak our truth without concern about how it may land with others. 

I really hope you find more outlets, and people that suit you. As for imposing on the Forums - if anything the opposite is true; we are very lucky to have you as one of our members.

Warm wishes, 

FloatingFeather