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Looking after ourselves

Re: Retraining our brains..

Hi @Hope4me Ive had so many ideas over my life, can only think of a few that came to anything, like an adult apprenticeship, going to uni etc, but never really followed through after that. Ok maybe those ideas worked because i wanted help from the government not family. The one I was thinking of when replying was a vague idea at the time of family buying me a piece of equipment and somehow that would become a business, well it had for other people, but in hindsight I'm glad they didnt agree to it. Families are a strange beast, yes, they did lend me money when i was flat broke a couple of times then expressed surprise that it was paid back so quickly. Makes me think of that never a borrower or a lender be proverb or that one about money doesnt mix . Anyway, they are on their own plane. Perhaps there are other ways of pursuing or modifying the idea? or just keep thinking of other ones?   

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Re: Retraining our brains..

Hi @Hope4me Your original post in this thread is inspiring, & very helpful (thought-provoking).

A timely reminder for me to practice some mindfulness, which I've always found very difficult.

I haven't read much past your 1st post yet.

Adge

Re: Retraining our brains..

I'm glad you popped by @Adge as it was you that inspired me to create this thread. Woman Happy

 

Healing our minds and bodies can be a full-time job as you know better than most. Realising the physical brain is the centre of that journey helped me heaps.

 

Physically I'd suffered pain most of my life due to an injury as a teen. When I finally had surgery in my mid 50's, it was like being reborn. Apart from moving better than I'd ever remembered, my blood pressure had dropped from very high to normal literally overnight and has stayed that way.

 

When I told my GP she looked puzzled. She and other specialists told me it was from smoking. Still smoking after surgery, I put that opinion to rest.

 

The way I see it Adge, is that I'd accepted my pain and chose to ignore it to survive each day which became my norm for decades. The surgeon didn't know how I'd survived without a wheelchair. My blood pressure was a sign to say I shouldn't ignore it anymore. Everything is linked...

 

I'm wondering if you've seen the movie; 'Breathe'. What an inspiration! The true story of a man struck down with polio in 1950's England. Our brains are surely wonderous tools of survival Adge.

Have a great day!

Hope xo Heart

Re: Retraining our brains..

Hi @Hope4me,

 

thanks for for starting this discussion. It seems that you and I have more than one thing in common, as I am also very interested in neuro-plasticity, retraining the brain and mindfulness. 

 

Im sorry to hear that your family were disinterested in your new business plans. Yes, I think it is very common that people are obsessed with negative stuff in their lives and find it hard to rejoice in the success of others.  There are even a few biological reasons why this might be the case, but it very much depends on which research you read.

 

I saw recently in a lecture on YouTube, that human beings are wired to be very, very attuned to possible threats. So negative stuff makes our ears stand up and our eyes widen. Our brains go into overdrive processing negative things.... We ask ourselves  "could this happen to me?" And also "what action do I need to take to prevent this negative thing happening to me?"

 

If something really good happens, there is no direct threat, so it is less interesting to our brains. Apparently, this kind of thinking evolved over many hundreds of thousands of years, as human beings lived on the grassy plains in Africa and there were very real threats of being eaten by predators all the time! Being attuned to possible threats was much more important to our survival than thinking about the plans for the big knees-up at the campfire that night.

 

Today, the main threat to our survival is that we will somehow run out of money. Hence, everyone obsesses about having enough money, the prices of things, taxes, etc. Same-same, but different. Think of all the hundreds of hours we spend worrying about money, when we really need so little to survive. And predators are so few on the ground these days, we rarely have to worry about them. 

 

But, yeah, I am getting off the track. Normal social interaction dictates that your family should be happy for you and should ask you a lot of questions about your new business and give you encouragement. The fact that they didn't do so might mean that they are very much stuck in "survival" mode. My family are a bit the same. They obsess over day to day things a lot, but don't seem to see the big picture.

 

Just keep going forward @Hope4me. You will lead by example. 

There isn't a lot you can do about your family for now. 

 

I know that if I had not gotten so sick with MI, then I would never have been interested in all this stuff and I would most likely still be stuck in survival mode, too. 

 

Re: Retraining our brains..

Hi @LadyleahRDBloom

You're so right about language. Not just speaking, but also listening and interpreting. Debating can be fun and even good for you. Arguments I don't like at all though as it exasserbates my MH condition. I mostly choose to walk if things get too much.

 

I understand about being 'smitten' with actors and singers. I stood on a chair and waved to Stevie Wonder from the front row of his concert can you believe? lol. Lucky for me one of his singers waved back motioning she'd tell him. Made me feel a bit less stooooopid...der.

 

I tend to disagree with you on the Tom Cruise subject though. If it wasn't for the media, actors etc wouldn't get the exposure they or their producers/managers desire. So when it gets nasty, they shake their heads in disbelief? You can't have it both ways I'm afraid. If you give strangers permission to enter your home and they become destructive, it's your own fault.

 

Scientology focuses on the mind; or should I say screws with it? They use a combination of charm, intelligence, guilt, fear, threats, delusional promises and a miriad of controlling techniques including separating family members, financial ruin and a 'pyramid' heirarchy. Physical, emotional and mental abuse 101. Exposing this cult 'had' to include Tom Cruise to balance Scientology's efforts in using his high profile status extensively to promote their cause.

 

This issue's close to home for me. Abuse of our rights in any form cuts me to the bone due to my own experiences and those of vulnerable loved ones. Exposing abuse has to occur for the sake of all concerned, especially future prospective victims. In my opinion, TC is a legend in his own mind, a sycophant that also thrives on other sycophants. (If that's a thing? lol)

 

I hope I haven't insulted or hurt your feelings re TC as it isn't my intention.

 

I don't read mags, watch news or current affair programs anymore due to my MH. I do however love documentaries; always did, even as a little girl. The ones I've seen on Scientology (and TC) were mind boggling.

 

Maybe we can discuss your empath stuff on a thread you have running? I'd like that.

 

Kind thoughts;

Hope Heart

Re: Retraining our brains..

Wow @Hope4me I'm so glad that I inspired you to create this thread.

I would never have known that, thanks for saying.

People do tell me on occasion that I inspire them (psychologist said I'm wise).

Yet my self-criticism & low self-esteem makes it hard for me to accept the compliments (or believe it myself).

Adge

Re: Retraining our brains..

What an absolutely ripper of a post @Sahara!!! Thankyou so much; it was a great read. Woman Very Happy

 

Your words describe cptsd in the most intelligent and practical way. I concur with bells on. Your explanation re my family's response makes me feel so much better. And I do lead by example; I needed reminding of that as it's something I'm proud of.

 

You and I do have commonalities in the way we think and our interests. I'm very glad about that. I wish I could write more, but I didn't get enough sleep and my eyes are near closed, so I might have to take a break or go back to bed.

 

Thankyou again for your input...

Take care;

Hope xo Heart

Re: Retraining our brains..

You're so right about language.

 

Thank you! I studied business administration for two years and english lit and humanities for three. they all teach you a lot. 

 

Not just speaking, but also listening and interpreting. Debating can be fun and even good for you. Arguments I don't like at all though as it exasserbates my MH condition. I mostly choose to walk if things get too much.

 

They're not good, I used to be unnerved at the idea of disagreeing with people because they'd lash out at me. I'm a lot stronger now. It's refreshing to have a mind of your own. Walking away is healthy. It's not cowardly at all. People need to respect that. 

 

As much as I love my mother, she wasn't good at conflict resolution. She used "attack" language "You are" , "You did" It took me ages to learn how to get out of that habit and use langauage that was conducive to both parties. I did say to my father. 

"You scare me" he completly ignored that. It didn't work. My therapist and I are coming up with another method. 

 

I understand about being 'smitten' with actors and singers. I stood on a chair and waved to Stevie Wonder from the front row of his concert can you believe? lol. Lucky for me one of his singers waved back motioning she'd tell him. Made me feel a bit less stooooopid...der.

 

LOL! Classic. Good on you. I pashed Jon English. I actually asked him if I could and ... yeah. Very nice Smiley Happy

 

I tend to disagree with you on the Tom Cruise subject though. If it wasn't for the media, actors etc wouldn't get the exposure they or their producers/managers desire. So when it gets nasty, they shake their heads in disbelief? You can't have it both ways I'm afraid. If you give strangers permission to enter your home and they become destructive, it's your own fault.

 

I agree but I do not believe the media has the right to disrupt children's lives. Kids are a no go area and I think there has been arrangements set in place. If I'm wrong about that. I'm happy to say I'm wrong. I just think it's not as black and white as that. 

 

Scientology focuses on the mind; or should I say screws with it? They use a combination of charm, intelligence, guilt, fear, threats, delusional promises and a miriad of controlling techniques including separating family members, financial ruin and a 'pyramid' heirarchy. Physical, emotional and mental abuse 101. Exposing this cult 'had' to include Tom Cruise to balance Scientology's efforts in using his high profile status extensively to promote their cause.

 

Ahhhh .... No wonder he asked people to stop asking him about it. He doesn't endorse it nearly as much as he used to. PR may have called that a bit of a trainwreck. Sorry, being I was being judgey there

 

This issue's close to home for me. Abuse of our rights in any form cuts me to the bone due to my own experiences and those of vulnerable loved ones. Exposing abuse has to occur for the sake of all concerned, especially future prospective victims. In my opinion, TC is a legend in his own mind, a sycophant that also thrives on other sycophants. (If that's a thing? lol)

 

He does have an ego, but we all do. Some come through more than others.  I would say his has toned down. And I agree with you. He does think of himself as a legend. But again, it's all toned down. Also I like people who see what they want and go for it. My mother was like that. I have trouble going for what I want. Something I'm trying to train myself out of.

 

Thank god for deportment classes. It's hard to be charming without them lol!

 

Kidding. 

 

I hope I haven't insulted or hurt your feelings re TC as it isn't my intention.

 

No, it's all good. I don't know him. I admire his CV and I am so grateful he was kind to my friends when he had to use their place for filming. I can also realte to him. We had similar dads and I am pulled towards people with abusive fathers. 

Please, please don't think I'm being naive but I don't smell a Narc or a sociopath. Then again, we all have small amounts of narc in us. My gut just doesn't travel there but his aura does read pain and a need for acceptance, approval. 

 

Line up and get your aura read here Smiley Tongue

 

I don't read mags, watch news or current affair programs anymore due to my MH. I do however love documentaries; always did, even as a little girl. The ones I've seen on Scientology (and TC) were mind boggling.

 

I bet they were. I mean that. I am in love with politics and for the line of work I wanted to get into before I needed a seachange. I was into mags and learning how media and gossip works. My career choice was journalisim and then script and film writing . I wanted a Bafta, lol! That changed after my mum died.   That's why I am very defensive of celebrities and hate gossip. You learn about critiquing evidence and seeing where the article comes from. ETC. A lot of media outlets are there to cause stress. So it's good to exercise caution. We're not perfect. No one is. But it's good to open the third eye and be open minded. 

 

Maybe we can discuss your empath stuff on a thread you have running? I'd like that.

 

I haven't got many threads running, but I may put one up. I'd like to discuss empathy disorders with others Smiley Happy

 

Kind thoughts;

Hope Heart

The same to you XX OOO 

Re: Retraining our brains..

A special hello to @LadyleahRDBloom @Adge @TAB @greenpea

 

@Hope4me,

 

I am glad you got something from my post. I think you are I have led similar lives in a lot of ways.... and the good news is we are both very, very committed to getting healthy and staying healthy.

 

For the last 8 years or so I have been doing so much reading about the brain and ways in which we can lead happier lives in general. I'm not just reading about mental illness and recovery, but about positive psychology even for those people who have never suffered from MI. 

 

My my reading has taken me in so many different directions. I have learnt so much. This what worked for me - but everyone is different. Always check with your doctor or psychologist if you need help or advice. 

 

1. You are much better off being alone than being in bad company. Avoid people who cause you stress, if at all possible. For some people, this might mean they eventually move out of their current living situation or else change jobs. (I actually had to do both)

 

2. See a registered, experienced psychologist. Talk about everything, even if it makes you cry. Continue to to see them, even when you begin to get better. It's good to have someone objective to bounce ideas off. Therapy for me was about facing the truth of my own life. It was definitely not a quick fix!

 

3. Spend time in nature, even if it only sitting under a tree in your back yard. Better still, go to a local park or a forest. A lot of research supports nature having a positive effect on our psychology. 

 

4. Exercise. I found yoga really benificial because it gets you in touch with your body. A lot of emotions get buried deep in our bodies, because we are so used to stuffing them down and being afraid to express them. Any exercise is good though. It doesn't have to cost anything, either. You can just go for a walk around the block.

 

5. Saying what you really think, not what you believe other people want to hear. This can get tricky. In fact, it may even lead to being totally alone, for a time... Refer to Point number 1.

 

6. Meditation, mindfulness and deep breathing. I started with deep breathing twice per day. Meditation would have been too difficult for me when I first had MI, and some psychologists do not recommend it until you are very stable. But deep breathing can be done anywhere at any time. This helps to ground you and put you in touch with your body. 

 

7. Emotions are not your enemy. Somehow, somewhere along the path of life, I learnt that emotions are scary things that will cause you actual harm. This is not true. Emotions come and go. While they may feel very awful at the time, they do always pass, if you give them expression. Healthy ways for me to express emotions are; writing about them, talking to a psychologist or trusted friend about them, listening to music, crying in private, doing rigorous exercise or even just acknowledging the emotion to myself. This has taken a lot of practice and wasn't easy! 

 

8. Setting goals, having things to look forward to, participating in something greater than yourself. For me, this revolves around making my art- but it could involve working, studying, volunteering, a sport, travel, pets, home renovation, social clubs, pretty much anything.

 

what do you think? Can anyone add anything? Love to hear what others have to say. 

Re: Retraining our brains..

It’s a bit much to take in at one time for me atm @Sahara , but I will copy it. Wrong people have cost me dearly in the past. Also job choices re people, well thats still ongoing. Thanks for sharing that

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