Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

Can visit after 3, is a 2 - 3 hour round trip. I am getting preassure from family not to do the drive so often. 

Yes having boys home makes it hard to get my work done but reality is that Im not getting anything done anyway. Dont know if it helps to talk about it or not @soul, just so sick of moaning about how bad things feel. Have so many things to be thankful for but just dont know what to talk abiut positive or negative... just feeling empty and lonley. Feeling ungrateful about the positives and ripped off about everything else. 

Children could go see nan but S2 particually needs to be with me so he dosent feel pushed aside. 

[soul]

Does it help when you visit her? Is it upsetting? How does it make you feel? How does she feel? What about when it's time to leave her? I guess you have to weigh up the costs and benefits of doing so. Do you feel obligated to do so? Are there other ways of contacting her? Do the kids get to visit too? Sorry about all the questions.

It's hard to be positive and even be happy about anything when there are such big problems in your life. I went out to dinner with some friends last night. These are people I have known for a very long time. They do not know about my situation. I said very little about my life but listened to their problems. On the one hand, I thought to myself that we all go through hardships but on the other I was thinking that I wished I could trade places with them. 

It's right that S2 needs your attention at this time. Is there something special you two can do together? I remember you saying that uni was cutting you a bit of slack with regards to the report you were doing. Can you take some time off or is work beneficial for you at the moment?

[Determined]

The teacher responsible for the melt down knows the situation @soul, I had specifically asked her to look out for him. She could see that he was in a state and getting worse and rather than letting him go iut side for some air, for the sake of authority decided that the best solution was to put him at the front of the room where everyone could see him and laugh at him.

This is nit just a teacher... this is someone I thought was a  friend which makes it hurt so much more.  I had hoped that this could have been contained  the classroom teachers knowing, now the whole school knows there are issues at home. 

[Determined]

Questions are fine @soul

Helps me to direct my thoughts. 

[soul]

How totally unprofessional of her @Determined. It points to her incompetence and lack of empathy. Sounds like she was unable to handle the situation and just chose to exert authority. That must have been devastating for your son and yourself. Is there a school counsellor that you are able to speak with? I hope you can make some headway with the principal. Hopefully the teacher will be able to handle any possible situation with a lot more compassion if she is faced with it again. 

I know it can be difficult if she has to manage 25 other students but she shouldn't have made a spectacle of him. That was very unfair.

[Determined]

Any moderators around? @NikNik @Lunar

Can i get posts from hot chocolate thread moved across here? How do I flag which ones ? 

[Determined]

It helps a lot to visit @soul

At the moment though she really wants me to tell her I want her  be there and I want her to have this treatment. As hard as I have tried I cant give her that. All I can do is tell he that I support her wanting this treatment without (which I do) and that being in hospital is where she needs to be.  

[Determined]

There is a school Chaplin @soul who he has a really good relationship with. I thought the arrangement was that if he was having a hard time he could go see chappy or chappy would be called. He wasn't even called after s2 ran away to hide. The principle was. 

Have a meeting with the princilpe and chaplin on Monday morning to work out a clear documented procedure that must be followed in future. 

If the teacher didnt know she could be excused, but she did know and I thought she was looking out for him. I was not even told there was a problem, found out from another parent while I was at the hospital with my darling. Parent sent me a message wanting to know that little man was ok and was upset and angry with the school based on what her son had told her. 

[soul]

Found you here @Determined. How do you feel before, during and after the visit? Can you listen to some enjoyable music during the long trips?

Has your Darling been hospitalised before? At the same place? Outcome of those times?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @Determined @soul .....

Guessing by your faith that the kids are at a Christian school @Determined .... not meaning to pry beyond what you are prepared to share, so I am comfortable with you not responding to that presumption ..... but I encourage you not to underestimate the power of compassion.  Where it can feel humiliating for others to know whom you didn't intend to know, you may also find hidden support, whereby parents school their children with compassiona and understanding within their own homes .... and reach out to you with offers of support and physical help.

Where our situation has been relatively private (I told a circle of close friends a couple of years ago when things were spilling to a new level and Iknew my own mental health and the mental health of the kids was under too much strain) it seems as though we are on the brink of a new spill .... my S2 has been referred for mental health support now in a more substantial way than my D3 last year .... and she was the one whoI thought would go down first ....

I have done the best I could to safe-guard them in our awful pr dicament, and now I have to trust that the teaching and support I have given them will reveal itself and be upheld by medical personnel.  It may well mean that our situation comes to light, and we are then in that same position of our community becoming aware of the depth of our problem.  I do suspect that people have suspected something anyway, as my hubby is so thin, and has been so absent.

Keep to your courage, faith and hope .... and take the baby steps as you see them emerging before you ....

Walking with you ...

🤜🏼🤛🙏 💕🤝